to feel wrong so much of the time

emptiness, voids, lack of feeling
or in another way, non-existent
how do i explain emptiness
missing something which should be there
like the shell of an egg, sometimes that's me
walking around, missing an important feeling
the central core, the shell without centre
how do i explain emptiness
missing something which should be there
how do i explain the pain of neglect
i was left lingering around like a stupid egg shell
walking around with incompleteness inside of my mind
i was left with a aching gap that needed to be filled
for years, walking around like a zombie
or if i can give it another term , a shell filled with anything but the egg
negative sad feelings,  or feeling nothing
as if i wasn't even alive inside
i wasn't bursting with energy
you see those people walking around laughing their socks off
happiness echoes out of their skin
like a bubble that cannot help but burst
truly, it's actually really hard to feel '' happy''
if your mind feels full up with the sad, the negative, the bad
wrong feelings internally can ruin a day
they can ruin years in someone's life
they can ruin a moment which should be good
which is for other people
but for you , its nothing but another sad memory
fun times for another person
for you they are just another sad memory
alright for those who '' feel '' what they should feel
ok for those who always experience life in a normal manner
i guess they have no understanding of what it is
to feel so wrong the vast majority of the time
they are the lucky one's, they are the one's who can have all the fun
i just have to sit here with stupid feelings inside of my mind
because of neglect, because of a horrible mind wrecking abuse
from a world which likes to hurt people
how does one truly believe they are truly worthy of the nice
if all they have ever received is the bad, neglect, abuse
years of problems, even tho you never asked to be this way
you have to suffer anyway , even though you never asked for mental health issues
you have to experience them anyway
even though you do not want to experience noise distortions
you have to experience them anyway
even though this is my life, i guess it's ok for life to do this to me
i guess i have not much choice in the matter, putting up with things is what i do
maybe i should have a label on my forehead
maybe it could say '' i have no choice in how i have to feel ''
sometimes i feel like life has walked all over me
people, the universe, as if i have a label on my forehead
saying '' hurt me ''  it's ok , i do not mind
of course i mind
remember this , i am a person , not a punchbag