Duality

I don't know what to believe in. I saw something when I was high. Learned a few things, too.  
A lot of pain. All forms of it, all day. I completely snapped. Ended up crying right after.  
Left my home then to smoke one when I couldn't calm down. Flung my phone, too.    
Didn't break anything or myself. Just engulfed in pain.  
Never thought being awakened would subject me to so much. So much of everything.  
A lot of things came to light while I was high. A barrage of visions. Thoughts, questions, everything.  
Questioning everything and nothing. How both sides get to exist. Yet we are expected to gravitate towards the good.  
But what if it was the other way around? Like, if the bad feels good then is it really bad?    
If you're in a bad state being good would feel like shit. And the opposite is true for when you are good.  
So when we act the way we do (fighting for good in a sea of bad) why does it feel like the energy is leaving rather than growing?  
I have felt more power in anger than I ever have in love or hope. And that stays with me. Doesn't abandon.  
Why does the generalization of this work in favor of good and never for bad? Can't some people actually be different?    
And is it our place to judge their difference instead of accepting it and giving it its due respect?  
Maybe I believe in anger a lot more. Perhaps because I understand it better. It's reliable.  
Hope and love on the other hand, aren't reliable at all.  
Love leaves. Hope stands you up. Anger is ever reliable. As is pain.  
Dissolving faith in the other two might be a better course of action. They don't always work.  
  
But if each soul is unique like every fingerprint is, why preach the same thing to everyone?  
Why would you bank on those things? Because not a lot of it exists?  
Because diving deeper into anger and hate is difficult on account of the over population of it?  
Anger waits for you no matter what. Anger is loyal and it is yours. Forever. No one can take it from you. No one else can feed off it.  
Hope is like a pompous bitch. Cribbing for every little thing and asking more than you can give.    
I wish I knew if there was a practice that promoted these darker emotions for our betterment.  
Because if you could channel the power anger generates, you could do literally anything.  
But since we have never tired to before, we don't even know if something like that can even work.  
Same is the case with love, you channel it through you to a person you desire and their are drawn to you.  
But if you aimlessly fire, you'll draw it out thinner and thinner till you're running on empty.  
That's when they take advantage of you; the parasites, lurking. You're left defenseless.  
No anger to burn away the darkness. No hope to light the way.  
But I suppose love is still different, love makes you weak. So does hope. Makes you vulnerable before you can draw strength from it.  
Feels like all work and no play. Because the moment you go out to play the bell rings to bring you back in.  
  
I understood something. If one emotion has a particular right to exist then the other emotions have equal right as well.  
Because there is light, there is darkness. Duality of life. Both must exist. Everything turns to nothing and from nothing, comes everything.  
So do we tip the scales of what should be and not? Is that the purpose of living?  
If all exists equally, how do we know what is right and wrong? Who made us the judge of this relative concept?  
Can you force someone to think if right is wrong or wrong is right?    
I think you can only support what you feel and live with what you believe in.