deepundergroundpoetry.com
Broken Shell
What lies beneath a broken shell
A shining star, once bright now fell
A glitter of hope now shines,
Within these broken, torn confines
Darkness holds it's grip so tight,
But something is different about tonight
For years I've watched beauty rise and fall
And then I hear it, the sirens' call
Who is this beauty, this torn princess
So much hate I feel, so much Malice
The closer I get, the farther she seems
Perhaps this beauty is only in dreams
This angel so far out of reach
and then with courage the darkness I breach
Alas a flicker of light breaks through
A glance, she sees me. A smile, does she feel it too?
And then it happens, a tool of god's cruel design
Startled awake from this dream.
Here I lie again consumed in darkness and pain.
But still in my heart the hope lies.
and the light breaks through this shadow's rain
A shining star, once bright now fell
A glitter of hope now shines,
Within these broken, torn confines
Darkness holds it's grip so tight,
But something is different about tonight
For years I've watched beauty rise and fall
And then I hear it, the sirens' call
Who is this beauty, this torn princess
So much hate I feel, so much Malice
The closer I get, the farther she seems
Perhaps this beauty is only in dreams
This angel so far out of reach
and then with courage the darkness I breach
Alas a flicker of light breaks through
A glance, she sees me. A smile, does she feel it too?
And then it happens, a tool of god's cruel design
Startled awake from this dream.
Here I lie again consumed in darkness and pain.
But still in my heart the hope lies.
and the light breaks through this shadow's rain
Published 3rd May 2018
Author's Note
I often elude to former feelings of hoplessness, depression, and anger. I am definitely in a far better place now, than I once was in my youth.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
3rd May 2018 12:03pm
Great job with the rhyme on this ... I am so so envious ... nice cadence as well
'A glitter of hope now shines,' Although this line rhymes, it doesn't quite work for me. It doesn't lead on to the next line very well. If you chose something like:
'A glimmer of hope that once shone.
Within these broken walls now gone.'
(For example.)
Do you see what I'm getting at with the lead off? To me, it feels like the 'hope' should come later in that poem, which it does in the 5th stanza. It's still a nice poem with some very good lines in it, however.
'A glimmer of hope that once shone.
Within these broken walls now gone.'
(For example.)
Do you see what I'm getting at with the lead off? To me, it feels like the 'hope' should come later in that poem, which it does in the 5th stanza. It's still a nice poem with some very good lines in it, however.
