deepundergroundpoetry.com
Fata Morgana
I couldn't trust myself
This seed planted something in you
To rush the shallow lust
Let greed make old of what was new
Red wine
Spilled.
Wrap yourself in shallow cloth
The stain seeps deep
The flame encapsulates the moth
This seed planted something in you
To rush the shallow lust
Let greed make old of what was new
Red wine
Spilled.
Wrap yourself in shallow cloth
The stain seeps deep
The flame encapsulates the moth
Published 22nd Apr 2018
Author's Note
A poem marking the end of my brief and fleeting relationship. Toxic and shallow, yet I still find myself missing it.
Would love some feedback. Any questions on the structure, content, etc fire away.
Would love some feedback. Any questions on the structure, content, etc fire away.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 4
reads 338
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
23rd Apr 2018 9:48am
Nothing good, comes from toxicity & shallowness but you already experienced that to know it’s not sustainable.
Time, to change your tact, I guess...
Time, to change your tact, I guess...
23rd Apr 2018 10:39pm
Yet I still seem to be drawn in time after time. The moth to the flame.
Any thoughts on the poem? I'm working on a book so would love to hear your thoughts
Any thoughts on the poem? I'm working on a book so would love to hear your thoughts
24th Apr 2018 00:44am
Well. Yes, it is a rather contemplative piece that has structure and pausal moments in all the right places.
Overall, it says a lot, without saying too much at all.
The seed you planted was unable to be harvested, as you couldn’t trust yourself to flourish in such a bond ?
Hmm. The reader, does wonder... about that interpretation.
Overall, it says a lot, without saying too much at all.
The seed you planted was unable to be harvested, as you couldn’t trust yourself to flourish in such a bond ?
Hmm. The reader, does wonder... about that interpretation.
24th Apr 2018 00:48am
There are lots of subtle clues as to the way you describe your habit of repeating the same old dating pattern with lines like: "Let greed make old of what was new" So when greed was new, it carried on until it was old. "The stain seeps deep" suggesting old habits die hard & are stubborn, not easily removed. The desire you have for these 'quick' relationships attracts you like a moth is attracted to light. It's a great little poem. When you say, "The seed planted something in you" what did you mean by that, doubt, pregnancy, desire?
