Pushing love away

 
 
We accept the love we think we deserve.
I think I deserve more love.  
I have fallen so deeply into love with her,
But she didn’t notice, didn’t feel the same,
Didn’t love like the love I deserved from her.
The words I cannot speak have left me undone.
 
 
I have fallen in love too many times for you to take me seriously.
I understand why they all say, they do not believe in me.
I am incapable of being loved; that is why I remain alone.
It doesn’t matter if I ever get to share my love;
It is obviously not as good as I have always bemoaned.
      
 
I keep on saying nobody loves me as much;
But the truth is I cannot love, because I am unworthy.
I claim to want a perfect wife,  
Because she does not exist.
So I remain out of it.
Come along and hurt me.
 
 
Luck or love?  To me, it’s all just a myth,
Or a thing that other people easily give.
I have never had it,  
Because I never gave love,
Like everybody else does;
So cheaply.
My love is worthless when everybody,
Is so damn good and I am damaged goods,
In need of trust and unable to give it.
 
 
Read the script and play your part,
As you tear my soul and stamp on my heart.
Love me please, but stay away.
This is my every day pain,
And the face does not change,
Like my mind will…eventually.
 
 
I push you away to set myself free,
Of the chance of being hurt, or knowing misery,
Because all love has ever done to me,
Is kill my insides and stain my esteem.
I estimate I will find a mate…
I hope she can see through my barriers,
Because I have no strength to agree,  
So I still hope one day she will get me.
 
      
(C)2018 Aa Harvey. All Rights Reserved.