Now

Now, I have all of these horrible thoughts              
they aren't going anywhere              
and they'll take me nowhere              
but that does not change the fact that they are still there              
               
It's all about me              
because it's such a selfish disease                
it took me away              
and it never brought me back              
               
I wasn't really prepared              
even though I thought I was              
I think we all may think this way              
eventually, it will start to show              
one couldn't really be ready, if they do not know              
               
you can be empathetic              
without being pathetic              
it hurts inside;              
your head, it just feels too wide              
everybody and everything can not bring you so much shame              
you can not bear this feeling of blame          
it hurts because you know          
         
but, it won't be fixed with these rhymes --              
               
I know  this feeling              
one just can not hide what is this real              
               
yet, it always comes back down to you              
no matter how much one tries              
no matter how much you cry              
no matter how many people you help              
no matter what you may give away              
or how much you pray              
at the end of the day,              
it's about you              
               
a very designated feeling              
in your brain              
it feels weird              
and then it moves again --              
               
if I could describe the feeling in a physical sense              
that would be it              
               
so, you decide to stare at your ceiling              
watch the paint that's already dried              
your world becomes a new color            
your mind becomes a battleground            
you got sick and it's over            
now, where do you want to go?              
you cried, but you can not bellow              
there is a curse of being too mellow              
               
melancholic people              
they have no cause              
we may look chill              
but, we usually need another              
               
I don't want to hide                
and I know I still have my pride              
things come and they go              
but, this has certainly been a wild ride                
that I wish I could describe              
it's just something you will either know              
or never know              
               
It's not a bug or a tumor              
we already know the cause              
ultimately, you'll need to stop  
before it becomes something you just can not              
then it feeds even more for days              
and leaves you out in the world again,                
alone