Myrtle the Wall-Eyed Witch

Myrtle would hurtle upon her broom
Round and round her living room
Knocking pictures off the wall
Her eyesight wasn’t good at all

Myrtle was a cross eyed witch
With casting spells there was a hitch
Her wand was crooked as her sight
So her magic rarely did go right

The vicar called her a nasty name
‘Right’ said she ‘I’ll fix your game ‘
She drew out her witchy wand
To blast him into the village pond

Alas she missed and hit a horse
In the dangly bits (Of course)
Down the street tore the angry beast
Into village hall and a wedding feast

People yelled, taking flight
As it smashed tables left and right
Women shrieked, the children quaked
The bride face down in her wedding cake

Folk dived in panic through the exit doors
One poor lass got hooked by her drawers
As she swung from the chandelier
Exposing to all her ample rear

On raged the horse its rider screaming
Myrtle groaned hoped she was dreaming
Waved her wand to put things right
Only worsening the plight

She missed the horse and hit a cow
Which caused a quite amazing row
As it charged through a coffee shop
Bellowing wild it wouldn’t stop

Constable Bobbins left his luncheon
And pulling out his trusty truncheon
Tried restoring peace and quiet
But just got caught up in the riot

Down the high street cow full pelt
Caught a horn in the copper’s belt
Bobbins thought that he was dead
As his fat arse bounced upon her head

The cow and horse charged on a-pace
Straight into the market place
Overturning traders’ stalls
One kicked the vicar in the balls

At last poor Bobbins he flew free
Head first down the public lavatory
With devastation all around
The witch was nowhere to be found

They hunted Myrtle day and night
But on her broom she’d taken flight
And as far as anyone can tell
She’s taking a holiday for a spell