Amends

I loved you from the start
my partner in amusement  
always just one more  
before our night was spent  
  
We went shot for shot  
while I was twice your size  
unaware of bedlam pending  
daily dissension, slow to realise    
   
Began as an awkward stumble  
progressed to carrying home  
companion in your intoxication  
no longer could I condone  
   
Injuries incurred were endless  
black eyes, sprained wrists, contusions  
as you fell just like a rag doll    
with no recollection, just delusions  
   
Had you any conception  
the extent of suffering you caused  
me, who infinitely adored you  
could you have ever paused?  
   
Ill prepared for the detriment  
tormented by your anguish  
desperately encouraging you  
yet spirits made you selfish  
   
Enamoured by the person I knew  
confident, I could love you well  
listening, I held you as you cried  
secrets I promised not to tell  
   
With all my heart I tried to heal you  
quite a hefty price to pay  
as you took everything I offered 
and drown in drink anyway  
   
Continuous defeat, crushing  
holding onto hope, sturdy  
I’d save you from yourself  
aware you were worthy  
   
Each day witnessing in horror  
as my wife became an empty shell  
dying as I watched you self-destruct  
existing in my private hell  
   
-  
   
Heart-breaking it was    
expressing a sorrowful goodbye  
to the lover that tried to save me  
piercing pain shall enduringly reside  
   
Bestowing all you had within  
until you'd nothing more to give  
far too toxic to remain  
I was broken without will to live  
   
We mourned our losses  
spouses, friends and more  
the future we had planned  
we had to close the door  
   
I am sorry I did not love myself  
as to deliver all you deserved  
forever in my heart  
a place will be reserved