Parental guidance

Alas, I always knew this day would come. At the lowest points I was spurred by the thought that truth always prevails, but yet now it seems so bittersweet, and seeing you've felt misery makes this no such win for me. When you was tiny i'd have to separate you two, you crying and howling, him scowling, me in denial trying to force a smile when inside my heart was breaking. Seeing your needs forsaken, trying my hardest on my own, though the two of us were together I had never felt so alone. Or afraid. The weight felt on my shoulders bearing down through the sheer fact I was solely responsible for you. I had broken the glue that binded us all together and realised it would be my fault forever. But yet I watched you grow and change, your character still the same, sensitive and brash and clever and quiet. You became my light. My everything. For years and years I have swallowed my fears to try to do the best by you. Parents evenings alone, deciding your future on my own, co-parenting at it's worse, a verse wouldn't do it justice. To give him every chance and option to be for you what I am and to see you rebuked sparked a fury in me that I couldn't believe capable, how could he be so unable? There's no pleasure to our journey, or for you to finally say, "mama I don't want to stay there anymore, can I just see him in the day?"