Paddle just a little harder

I am, well, who I am, all my mistakes have put me here and made me what is here.
All of my accomplishments are because of those mistakes, I grow and learn through trial and error, problem solving the parts of life that need it and brushing the past away like paddling through a gentle river. But like the boat floating on the surface, always carrying it with me.

I am loving and loyal but strong and silent. Perhaps, these accomplishments of character are not always needed. But I do need them. Just like the boat needs the water to give it purpose, to carry it along from one point in life to the other.

Sometimes in life you have to paddle harder, faster. It may seem that I don't react quick enough, but I have to see the problem to solve it. He took that chance away from me, or you did. The flow of the river can show us how hard we have to work. Sometimes we can see the change in the flow, sense it, feel it, and other times: WOAH!

I can't always see the changes needed in effort or in me, you were meant to be my guide, my paddle for you. But instead of directing me you allowed the stream, the flow, to change your direction to him. You gave him the impetus, the effort. And left me to fend for myself, my paddle gone. And now my greatest accomplishment in life, US has gone. My boat sinking.

Your warmth and love has gone, turned to coldness, not wanting to give the wrong signals. I don't care about that. I want the paddle to guide you, to me. You have to work hard sometimes, 9 years is along time to go through life just to think... nah fuck it!