deepundergroundpoetry.com
Little Deaths
( a Sonnet )
While hoping for his call on phone I write,
There’s sound of rain & warmth from vented heat.
I’m coil’d up on the bed bathed in soft light,
And leaves that scatter chatter down the street.
The flicker of a bulb, the wind in flight,
My mind is playing tricks like rising damp.
The walls where shadows watch in dead of night
Keep distant never coming near my lamp.
The Muse is still’d while other thoughts are there,
The gusts of rain are keeping him from speech.
I pause to rest my eyes and tousle hair,
Before he comes I’m sleeping out of reach.
And then to crawl in bed between my hips,
My words for him have dried upon my lips.
NaPo/GloPoWriMo 2018
While hoping for his call on phone I write,
There’s sound of rain & warmth from vented heat.
I’m coil’d up on the bed bathed in soft light,
And leaves that scatter chatter down the street.
The flicker of a bulb, the wind in flight,
My mind is playing tricks like rising damp.
The walls where shadows watch in dead of night
Keep distant never coming near my lamp.
The Muse is still’d while other thoughts are there,
The gusts of rain are keeping him from speech.
I pause to rest my eyes and tousle hair,
Before he comes I’m sleeping out of reach.
And then to crawl in bed between my hips,
My words for him have dried upon my lips.
NaPo/GloPoWriMo 2018
Published 3rd Apr 2018
| Edited 25th Apr 2019
Author's Note
This is my 3rd entry in the NaPoWriMo for April 2018.
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 2
comments 16
reads 791
Commenting Preference:
The author is looking for friendly feedback.
'And leaves that scatter chatter down the street. ' this is a great visual and sonic line. it also caps the soft and sensuous opening with its own soundtrack.
and the last stanza is also quite great:
'And then to crawl in bed between my hips,
My words for him have dried upon my lips.'
too late to be of use and hear words he has waited so long for. very nice.
and the last stanza is also quite great:
'And then to crawl in bed between my hips,
My words for him have dried upon my lips.'
too late to be of use and hear words he has waited so long for. very nice.
4th Apr 2018 4:22am
Thank you, poet. I’ve been fair tongue-tied since I read your lovely assessment much earlier (I passed out on my bed soon after, still wearing my earbuds), over perfect terms like “sonic” & “soundtrack”. In all the years I’ve been a writer, no such words have ever been offered. Other words, yes, but not those. Thank you for your express of support.
3rd Apr 2018 4:17pm
Beautiful sonnet. Such boundless love falling short of its destination . Only making it more serene and heartfelt through your poetry .
"My words for him have dried upon my lips "
The subtle tragedy of this line really stood out to me .
-El
"My words for him have dried upon my lips "
The subtle tragedy of this line really stood out to me .
-El
4th Apr 2018 4:30am
Thank you, dear El. Your own portrayal as a reading is sweetest subtlety to me.
3rd Apr 2018 7:13pm
4th Apr 2018 4:32am
3rd Apr 2018 8:40pm
You had me at coil’d and the sound of rain.
excellent piece, the jade tiger strikes again.
excellent piece, the jade tiger strikes again.
4th Apr 2018 5:40am
3rd Apr 2018 9:36pm
Lovely sonnet, Jade, beautifully structured and rhymed. You save the "little death" for the last stanza and it's a perfect climax. One more gem for the NaPo comp.
4th Apr 2018 5:47am
Oh my very crowfly friend, thank you for such recognition of what it’s all about. ~Jadey🐾🐅
4th Apr 2018 00:32am
4th Apr 2018 5:43am
My grateful thanks for the honor, Tomcat. This is already turning out to be a special month.🐅
RL gratitude.
Tiger queen
RL gratitude.
Tiger queen
9th Apr 2018 1:34am
9th Apr 2018 6:22pm
Thank you, Andy. And yes, le coup de grâce -
exactly were it awaits the reader in a sonnet. ;)
exactly were it awaits the reader in a sonnet. ;)
25th Jan 2019 11:56pm
26th Jan 2019 1:08am
