for the thrill of no one but you

please
allow me to fixate without end
or reciprocatory obligation
let me be selfless
keep me locked in dark places
scribing to dim light
the echoes of your ‘No’s reaching harmonic cacophony
with the cruelty of ‘Carry on’s

stemming from your sentence
your assessment
of who deserves the mirage of pleasure
and whose destiny is only suffering
wave your magic beauty
and put me under macabre’s spell
where nothingness
and desire are my sustenance
hope a faint ripple
for strained ears to feebly prey
within leather masks
confining being
into crammed chambers of obsessive thoughts
boiling to ever heating flames
let me count infinities, scribbling
on cavern walls
like soulful apes cried out with hands and blood
desperate to be heard
acknowledged
given life in the minds of others

make me
step down
from all stages
and drown in imagined misunderstandings and invented innuendo
‘you thrill no one’ you say
to save me from myself
and turn me into a wordmill
kept mute
your personal mime

forbid me all
while you gently fondle the world
who rain admiration
and folly
yet feed me none