dkzk's Great Communiques.....auto'bio deadman's Babble'onia.....

 


"Thank you for your considerate commentary.   I'm 65 and essentially dyin' of Chronic Congestive Heart Failure as a result of cardiac debacles that should've killed me 3-4 times in '99-'00, (coronary artery disease, underdiagnosed) and 3 times again in Feb thru May of2015, with Arterial & ventricular afibrillation, which is a heart-nerve problem for which the last line of intervention is killing (electrocuting) the areas of heart tissue where the electronics are wildly misfiring. Every time this "ablation" is done, deadens heart tissue, which leaves one with chronic fatigue, & inability to exert oneself in any way.  My situation is a medical anomaly, as I never have 'proper' symptoms, which misleads my cardiac team to "under-diagnosis", thus numerous hospitalizations to finally come to the ultimate level of intervention necessary.   I had been a obsessive long
distance runner for over 20 years, as well as a 20-30 hour a week intense racquetballer for an overlapping 20 yrs.  Since the "ablation",  I have not been able to summon energy for even a light workout routine.  Why am I telling you this?  Guess I just felt like talkin bout my silly self.........and my sometimes reluctant "survival" of this has had a lot to with a (since HS) fascination with Zen & it's anomalies, (seeming) contradictions, it's view of non-duality, paradox, etc.
    I have to daily meditate on my (soon coming) non-existence, & letting go of All my attachments to "things", "ideas", "beliefs",  that may hinder the "transition" back to non-existence.......Told you more than is should've or that you 'need' to know. I'm glad I've helped ye feel "welcome", (unfortunately though, where mediocrity is celebrated by the majority, but, so what? Tis better than most of the pootery sites I've looked at.
  Sorry for the babble'onia.  dkzk "