Things To Say Before You Fart In Public Places

 
Fart, Farts, Farted, Farter, Farting,
wiggle your ass cheeks let them sing
sound your trombone; toot your flute
the windiest instrument; your  poop chute
Don't be a pussy trying to hide it
we all fart there's no way to deny it
nothing wrong with a healthy fart
unless said fart turns into a shart
I know it's hard for those who are shy
it's ok to fart loudly then have a cry
it's much better to release the gas
the gas that comes out from your ass
grow some balls and fart away
no matter if your straight or gay
no matter if you're male or female
no matter your ethnic or where you hail
fart proudly an loudly with no apology
trust me I am a professor of Fartology
ignore the well mannered denouncing
your farts really need announcing
shout loudly despite possible brawls
before your ass trumpet calls

"Ok people I know this is a funeral but my smell won't kill anyone!"
"let me play you a tune with my wind instrument!"
"What I am about to do will make this elevator go to the top floor!"
"I am looking for a pay rise, boss; would this help at all?"
"Yes Bishop I'll kiss your ring, in 2 seconds you won't want to kiss my mine!"
"Forgive me father for I have sinned and I think it was a wet one!"
"I was gonna say sorry but you deserve this stink!"
"Hey! I am about to smell like your grandmas carpet!"
"I just keep rolling along, I never run out of gas!"
"If I see you yawning I won't be able to resist!"
"I wore this zoot suit to let my ass freely toot!"
"I am just about to repeat Donald Trump's last tweet!"
"I am wearing a G-String: I will now fart in the key of G!"
"I am glad I don't do the laundry; I have just sharted in my shorts!"
"It's ok, I would never blame the dog!"
"This is why, as a boxer I was nicknamed Gaseous Clay!"
"I would blame this one on the cabbage and beans!"
"This one, I'm afraid, is gonna smell like chilli!"
"This one will probably rattle my balls!"
"You are gonna be able to taste this one!"
"I am not Fanny Carttright who canny fart right: Listen!"
"This is gonna be a long flight you're gonna need your puke bags handy!"
"I have a frog up my ass and he needs to croak!"
"With this ring I do fart: you can kiss my ass!"
"I am about to play 'Little Brown Jug' on my rusty trombone"
"Fart and the world farts with you - let's test that theory!"
"I am a member of the Fart Pride Movement!"
"And you think you smell? Hang on a second!"
"Buckle up; I am going to fart"
"Strap in for my noises from the bum!"
"Stay Calm while I pump one out!"

farting is natural
natural gas
natural freedom
to blow it out your ass