Unresponsive

when they drew the curtain back                    
                   
the only oxygen                    
in the room                    
pumped her machine                    
                   
I did not look                    
Not at first.                    
                 
                   
I stared instead at tangled cords                    
of mysterious spaghetti                    
filling an empty body                    
and likened the heart monitor                    
to an old nintendo                    
beep                    
                   
Is it easier to pretend                    
It’s a video game                    
racing to achieve the next level                     
or desperately seeking healing?                 
                   
Or an art museum                    
with Picasso pictures                    
hand drawn with Scripture passages                    
from nieces and nephews                    
scrolled in cursive letter?                    
                   
I hate that we have to meet like this                    
                   
With your catheter leaking                   
legs in casts, broken pelvis                    
spinal fracture —                    
A head injury so severe                    
Doctors said:                    
               
               
(I won’t say here)                    
               
               
                   
I’m sorry that the first time                    
I‘m seeing you                    
is with tubes draining                    
Neural fluid off your brain  —  
        
I do not want to look too closely                    
to respect your privacy          
   
I wonder if I should have come.  
   
I can see in your eyes                    
you are tired                    
and I don’t want to intrude                    
on your resting                    
                   
I look at your son                    
and his slept-in chair                    
empty snack bags forming                    
a reflective blanket                    
                   
(Somewhere in the hospital                    
a clearly raided vending machine                    
gives no more to the hungry)              
                   
You may not know                    
But I’m the one who got you                    
That great deal on your Ugg boots                    
Last Christmas.                    
I can’t and won’t say that aloud                    
But I almost want                    
to say something                    
to cheer myself up                    
                   
Even though I know the reality                    
                 
I’d like you to know                    
We prayed for you                    
In a hospital chapel with no pews                    
Your sister and I were on our knees                    
with your son beside                    
                   
In that tiny cramped chapel          
a Muslim prayed his evening prayer,                
facing Mecca,                   
while we prayed Psalm 23.                    
The chapel was so cramped                    
With only us four                    
It was as if he knelt to us                    
and us to him as we stared                    
At a mosaic of sheep                    
                   
His sweet voice trembled                 
your sister’s rich and steady        
   
in this space    
we grieved as one         
           
the Muslim man thanked us for giving him                    
peace to pray               
and offered God’s blessing                 
to ones of another way              
       
In the late evening            
nurses cleared the room            
for the visitors in Room 3              
                     
In truth                    
I did not cry                    
nor did he.                    
                   
Did that surprise me?                    
                   
(That someone could run                    
her over like a lawnmower                    
With a five thousand pound car                    
And leave her on the side                    
Of the road                    
like a discarded                    
Coffee cup in morning rush hour?)                    
                   
Was I surprised                    
By what I saw in his eyes?                    
                   
when they drew the curtain back                    
                   
your son                    
was the only one                    
                   
not                    
breathing