When love turns to hate

I hate you. I hate you so fucking much. Everything that you have become and all that you aren't any longer. I hate how you make me hate myself. I hate the deteriorating effect you have on my mental health. I hate these bullshit arguments that go on, for so long, til it ends and begins again on a loop of continuous hatred. I hate our home, it's like a battleground that is filled with bad memories and tainted dreams. I hate the thought of not having you around me, and not being on my own but lonely. Your presence surrounds and confounds me, and a life without you seems a desolate and peaceful thing. I hate our history and how long it's been. If it wasn't so much this would be an easy thing. I hate that smile, our love,my ring. And not having the strength to try again. With someone else, a fresh, another go at life. I know you think I'd never make a wife, but I tried for you and you never saw it, so whose the fool when it was all in front of you. You. That's who. And now I'm sat in this black space looking at random faces with no names wondering where the fuck you've gone and how I can make us sing again. This love that's past the expiration date. Where we placate to fate and hope eventually it'll fade away to nothing.  That'd be something. And a day I'd remember for the rest of mine. In time. As long as you wouldn't forget me.