amber lights and meaningless promises

You drink like tomorrow has no meaning
and I won't remember tonights words
and the way they burned
 
I'm not your human shield
and I don't know why I defend you
from your own dysfunctions  
I guess I just don't want to deal
with the violence of your judgement
striking someone, anyone  
for reasons you can't rationally explain
 
Maybe I thought I could handle this
cause I know what it's like to live  
at the bottom of unending bottles
and broken promises of  
"no more, I'll just cut down  
I can handle this, you'll see"
 
But you don't believe in my darkness
cause I'm the brightest light you've ever seen  
not that my flaws go unnoticed
under amber light
and the person I love becomes someone I can't look at
long after sobriety kicks in  
and hopeless apologies are laid down
like they're the road to redemption
but never are  
 
You drink like tomorrow has no meaning
and I won't remember tonights words
and the way they burned
 
Sometimes I wish I wouldn't forgive you
but somehow I always do
 
© Indie Adams 2018