deepundergroundpoetry.com

alien planet

i feel like i'm on a alien planet, a place full of weird noises

weird floating daydreams, i feel like I'm on a alien planet

this isn't earth, surely it has to be mars, maybe Venus

surely Venus. because i'm a woman and apparently

or so i've heard people say, women are from Venus

a place full of freaky noises, noises which don't make sense to me

a woman on Venus who can't comprehend her planet

is she meant to be here, she doesn't think so

is this her home, a planet of weirdness, abnormality, insane goings on

is this earth, surely not

if i'm a human being and a nice one at that then why the hell am i on planet Venus

i'm not an alien nor another world being, so why do i feel like i do not belong

on this earth and in this time, in this place and in my mind, i am dreaming

equating to being asleep, i sit here in my dazed bubble

floating weird cotton wool within my mind

a place of squidgy feelings, maybe i am underneath the water, a octopus amongst many fish

maybe i am different from the rest, an outcast, a black sheep

a different human being, a mind full of unrest, abnormal cotton wool

and weird floating insanity, not being able to figure out what the hell is going on

i sit and i dream, is this earth, Venus, am i simply on another planet

or am i dreaming, a place of weird cotton wool and abnormal floating bubbles

in a mind which asks to be free, noises which disturb me even more

and so i sit and i feel, i hear everything

my bubbly mind has had enough, my difference is too much, my insanity makes me cry

and i wander to myself, is this a dream, is this real, i think i'm going to cry

trying to escape this box of floating bubbles in my mind

writing freely whatever comes to mind, i guess this is my mind right now

a box of weird feelings, living on Venus, living on Mars, living on Earth

which one, where am i, i don't know where i am

i'd like to feel real, instead i feel i'm dreaming

i'd like to feel awake and yet my mind feels horribly, weirdly asleep

awake but dreaming, typing but asleep, i sit here and i ponder upon the words

appearing on my computer screen and i'm out of touch with the words in front of me

my mum is downstairs, my sister is too, the noises simply, are making me want to scream

i feel on a freak show land where nothing makes sense to me

i think i'm a little mad, maybe a tad insane and disturbed

look at my mind and the words before your eyes, can you even comprehend

what its like to feel other worldly, to feel like you belong elsewhere

to feel like someone and something different, the noises are driving me around the bend

and i'm typing and trying to type my way out , out of this weird land

but im not so sure its working, or is it, what am i waiting for, a normal dream, a normal land

where everything makes sense, the birds on the tree's are more normal then me

the cats outside their houses, they are more normal then me

oblivious to the pains within the world, oblivious to the weirdness of minds, and this world

the birds flutter their wings, flying around in circles, living within a sense of normality

a sense of being sane, the cats mew , eat their cat food, smiling at their owners

oblivious to the pains in this world, the weirdness of some minds, the cruelties in the land

and i ponder on, jealous of their lack of knowledge, jealous of their lack of pain

jealous of their seemingly normal sense of reality, they are birds, they are cats and i am me

maybe in my mind i am an internal mewing cat or a tweeting little bird

maybe thats why im so uncomfortable, a human being sitting here

with the mind of a bird and the mind of a cat, everything one day seemed vaguely normal  

until everything turned insanely weird and my blissful ignorance disappeared

my lack of knowledge about the world changed, suddenly all the horrible knowledge

came crashing into my mind and nothing was the same anymore

my world changed ever so suddenly, like a cat who only knows their world, the sky, the land

their everyday norm, a seemingly normal little world, certain knowledge away from my awareness

i was never normal but i used to be  more normal then this, i knew the world was wrong

i knew there was something very amiss but like a cat , without certain awareness

i was never aware of this, this was out of my awareness, until it happened to me

and then my world crashed and dissolved, everything that i knew changed

my world changed, the cat in the corner living in her own little world

the bird in the sky , fluttering its wings, all they know is their own little world

they know nothing of our world, the world in which many of us , today stand

distanced and away from the mad cruelties in this world

one day , ever so young, i was like that, just a tiny little kid with the world and the future

dreamily in my hands, hoping for a nice future, a little kid  oblivious to the cruel ways of this world

a little kid who was like a cat and a bird, blissfully ignorant

happy without the knowledge which would hurt their small and fragile minds

but , me, i was only a little kid, i was ok until i felt the cruelties of a lack of love

i was ok until my parents ignored my needs, i was ok until i noticed the lack of hugs

the way my parents attentiveness slipped to the wayside

emotional needs ignored, feelings pushed to the side

the questions of how are you feeling, how was your day, were non apparent

the attentiveness was dissolving, my mind felt hurt

a fragile little mind needing to be loved and noticed, never received the attention her mind

so simply deserved, she never received plentiful hugs or a lot of '' i love you's ''

and it all came in, full force, her mind was shattered , she was in pain

and they never seemed to realise her pain, took no care towards her silence

her blank and miserable face, it should have been a sign that something was indeed very wrong

inside of her mind, but no , they did not notice, or ask , why the silence

why when she was in pain, did they fail to see, take in her hurt

and ask her to talk about her feelings and how she felt after the divorce

nobody thought to ask how she was feeling, the only thing that was offered to me was to see a councelor

i was a kid , i didn't want to talk to a stranger! i wanted my mum and dad to notice me more !

i didn't want to talk to a stranger, i wanted my mum and dad to notice me more

the divorce had an impact but it was the lack of attention which hurt me even more

and they never thought to ponder on my silence or ask me how i was feeling

i was just a kid, feelings not even given enough attention

a little kid in a world of selfish and thoughtless people

who never dared to consider what they were doing to her fragile little mind

she was like a cat in need of love, a sensitive and soft little soul who never received the attentiveness

she so rightly deserved, a cat in a world where nobody stopped to care

a bird flapping their wings , unable to fly, without the love she so craved

one day she was like a cat and a bird, a tiny little girl , oblivious to pain

oblivious to selfishness, oblivious to inconsideration

and then it all hit her, she was no longer a small and happy little cat

knowledge away from view, she was a cat who's nice little world came crashing to the floor

with a shock and so much hurt installed within her mind, she sank downwards

and within all the hurt and all the pain, it just continued within her fragile soft and sensitive

too fragile little mind, she thought the world hurt, she didn't realise it could hurt her even more

and so it was , that she was shocked to the core, when her soul was attacked

her spirit was seemingly broken , again, she was pushed down to the floor

violently tormented in her own mind, a threatening bolt of lightening came her way

her mind turned blue, ever so blue, wasn't it blue enough before,

she didn't realise her colour could change into a deeper blue, a colder blue, a threatening blue

consumed , overwhelmed threatened , abused , attacked, pushed into a corner

eyes the soft tenderness of a friendly little cat , spirit that of a little lovely bird

pushed into a corner, broken wings, unable to move , unable to breath

unable to fly and escape to freedom , she was squashed, pushed onto the floor

mind trodden all over as if she was a piece of dirt, no feelings which mattered

she was a walkover, she became a doormat, she didn't matter

a heavy boot walking all over her mind, harsh and threatening feelings which consumed her very being

to the point where she felt suffocated, trapped , tormented , scared witless, helpless and afraid

incapable of doing anything to stop the attacks, to stop the heavy boot from repeatedly trampling

upon her tender and lovely skin, she cried for it to stop but she never got her wish

she cried for somebody to help her escape, she couldn't help herself

she had no power , a victim of a powerful force, forces which consumed her mind

made her a victim, turned her into a weak and pathetic helpless victim

who could do nothing but let it happen,and again and again and again and again , she cried for it to stop

but it never did, she wished she had power but she felt like a helpless victim

who could not take an ounce of control, trapped in a nightmare, her whole being consumed by the  bad

she cried for it to stop but it never did, she wanted to make it stop but she never knew how

and so , it was that she was like a helpless little bird trapped in a rotten cage

a soft and friendly little kitten trapped in a corner , no way to escape

timid and petrified , she trembled, she purred and cried

wishing she could scratch that which was attacking her, she sat still and timidly wished

she had paws to scratch, to defend herself, a defenseless little creature

in a world which was always out to get her, now she hates looking back

because she wishes with all of her heart that her heart never experienced the bad times

and the ones she never even asked for, she just wants to be a oblivious little cat with the sky up above

a nice little owner, walks, safety in the mind, no violence occuring

just a little blissful, happy little cat, unaware of anything bad

simply happy in her own little world

sometimes you just don't want to feel or know the bad in this world

you just want to know nice worlds, the blue sky , the sun, friendly cats

stress reducing walks, yoga , peace and the sun

sometimes, simply sometimes, there is just no need to know

no need to hurt, no need to know a bad world

we just want to feel safe, happy

blissfully ignorant , in our own safe little world
Written by Daffodil32
Published
Author's Note
i deal with dissociation , and this morning i felt in a bubble , i felt dreamy , i felt sad and not present, i felt weird, i wrote this poem , in my attempt to ease those feelings, i thought it would help . it felt good to write this , therapeutic in a way . i guess its also a poem about how traumatised i have felt in this life
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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