Love Takes All Kinds

Jamie had Lola pinned against the wall, his hand around her throat, a smirk on his lips. It was just how she wanted it.  It was all part of the game.

“Hit me” she whispered and Jamie gave her the same look he always gave her when she asked; a look of both sadness and pity. Still, he complied and backhanded her, sending her sprawling across the floor, remembering to release her throat before the blow hit. Blood dribbled down Lola’s lip and she licked it away with her tongue, reveling in the taste of it.

“Please” Lola looked up at Jamie pleadingly, as moved herself into a sitting position and unbuttoned her top.  Jamie pulled off his t-shirt, his expression torn, and knelt down in front of her pushing her backwards, restraining her hands above head.

“You’ll be the death of me” he whispered as he kissed Lola’s neck and she sucked in a deep breath, his light touch sending tingles through her entire body. They made love just the way Lola liked it; hard and merciless, with just enough tenderness to make it heavenly.

It hadn’t always been that way. In the beginning Jamie used to freak out every time Lola would cry out in pain after urging him to push that little bit hard, dig his nails a little deeper. She didn’t know sometimes why he stayed, with all her obvious dysfunctions.

People often wondered if Jamie abused her, and she would always deny it. She wouldn’t call what they did in the bedroom abuse. She wanted it, needed it, asked for it. Her other boyfriends might have abused her at every whim, taken what they wanted from her body and soul without her consent. With Jamie, the pain was controlled, both Lola and Jamie where in control. She asked and he gave. He never hit her unless she asked him to and only when it wasn’t done in anger. Even when they argued he would never raise a hand to her, no matter how far she pushed him.

Jamie wasn’t one of those arrogant, sweet talking kind of guys that for a long time seemed to be her type. He was quiet and reserved, the kind of guy that would do his best to talk his way out of a fight before anyone threw the first punch. Most of the time it worked, and even if it didn’t he’d prefer to restrain his attacker than break their nose. It was these things and more that had made Lola notice Jamie.

He was unlike anyone she’d ever met. They’d walked a hard road to love. From the moment Lola had approached Jamie at a party offering him a whiskey drenched ice cube for his happiness, just to see if she could get a smile out of him, they’d been almost inseparable.

Jamie scared Lola with his kindness, and Lola knew she scared him sometimes with how feisty she could be.

They’d barely been dating a month and haven’t even slept together when Lola realised she loved Jamie. He made her laugh when no one else could, and no matter how upset or angry she was about anything he could always get a smile out of her.

Instead of telling him how she felt, Lola keyed his car. Jamie had lost it at her, in a calm way. It had taken him three years to save up for The Dodge.

Lola didn’t want to be in love. How could someone as sweet as Jamie love someone as messed up as her? She avoided him for two days before she turned up at his house in tears telling him she loved him and that she was sorry. She’d expected Jamie to turn her away, but instead he’d opened the door and pulled her into a gentle embrace whispering in her ear that he loved her too.

That night they just talked. She confided in him that she was scared and that she never really meant to do that to his car. Jamie heard her out, listened to everything she had to say and hugged her as she cried, running his fingers gently though her hair. It was the first time in longer than Lola could remember that she truly felt okay.

Things didn’t go awesomely. Jamie struggled with how loving and gentle Lola could be in everyday life, and then how violent she was in the bedroom. Not what she would do to him, but what she wanted him to do to her.

Despite everything, Lola kept trying to push Jamie away. Every time she’d freak out and bail, she’d come crawling back expecting Jamie to hate her. She couldn’t work out why he never did. He said he never could.

“I don’t deserve you” Lola would mumble every time she came back.

“Love takes all kinds Loll, it doesn’t discriminate. It just is. And I love you. No matter how messed up you are”

It had taken Lola a long time to trust Jamie before she knew without a doubt that he wasn’t going anywhere. It had taken even longer to get Jamie to understand why she liked violence, and that she wasn’t asking him to abuse her. She was asking him to love her in the only way she understood how.  Lola associated violence with love. They were both intense emotions. Her childhood had been tortured, and she couldn’t separate on from the other, no matter how many psychologists she’d been to.

Lola loved it when Jamie would just let go, and give her what she needed; the pleasure and the pain. With Jamie, she knew she was safe. In Lola’s mind, no one had ever loved her better.  

©Indie Adams 2011