Starlight & carcrashes

I see you’re quite the man now
while I wittle my life away
4 suicide attempts in 2 months
none worked so here I stand
broken will and instilled conformity
(Don’t show them you’re weak
Your family do not care)
Stare into the eye of the devil
beg him to take you home instead

The world isn’t built for people
like me who struggle to move
struggle to think, communicate
In and out of therapy,
because no one really understands
I’m broken and it hurts

Conformity is the name of the game
be a yes-man, it helps, my experience
has painted me a free-thinker but my father disallows thinking out of boxes
he creates.

More pills. Maybe some alcohol next time
to forget, to die, to breathe before you cease to crease your brow in delusional hope

My therapist knows I’m ill, refuses to section because I’m a good manipulator
I lie, well. Tell her again
‘I’ll get the stockpile destroyed. I promise.’
But in destroying the stock, i’ll Take away my one freedom.

My one chance
To be a Phoenix
I am starlight, scattered
by the car crash
I was born into...

Am I the car crash?