deepundergroundpoetry.com
Shoreline Fingernails
My words are useless now--
These graves and flowers.
With careful steps break
In quiet mourning stars.
Does this light always shine?
And you reach for the ash
Of a loneliness that just
Isn't there.
The crashing waves
Spray these shattered diamonds
In glittery mists along the rocky sand.
These graves and flowers.
With careful steps break
In quiet mourning stars.
Does this light always shine?
And you reach for the ash
Of a loneliness that just
Isn't there.
The crashing waves
Spray these shattered diamonds
In glittery mists along the rocky sand.
Published 13th Feb 2018
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The author encourages honest critique.
13th Feb 2018 1:46pm
Stunning imagery.
While I feel you write with a classic intent ( each line capped ), have you considered altering such to improve the flow?
Unless reading classics, my mind tends to switch gears on caps ( unless a person/place/thing ). I instinctively want to start a new sentence.
You do beautiful work.
While I feel you write with a classic intent ( each line capped ), have you considered altering such to improve the flow?
Unless reading classics, my mind tends to switch gears on caps ( unless a person/place/thing ). I instinctively want to start a new sentence.
You do beautiful work.
14th Feb 2018 11:48pm
That is a very good suggestion. The flow definitely makes more sense, indentations as well. I appreciate the comments, Ahavati.
