They Say 7.0

(i) Green Ash

They say
the grass
is greener
on the
other side
I have been
to the
other side
there is no grass
just ashes,
the dead and
the lost there
is no light:
take my advice
stay the side
That you are on

(ii) Mugged

They say
a fool and
his money
are easily
parted
I find that
most people
are easily
parted from
their money
after I drive
an ice pick
into the base
of their neck
it's money
for nothing

(iii) Proverbs

they say
it is easier
for a needle
to go through
the eye of
a rich man
than it is for
a camel to cum
in the hole in
the rich man's
eye
Personally I
feel sorry for
the camel

(iv) Cookery

They say
too many
cooks
spoil
the broth
I tend to put
more onions
and chopped
coriander
and only kill
chop up and
boil three cooks
yummy

(v) A Bright Idea

they say
it is always
darkest before
the dawn
I find that
burning my
victims eyes
out of their
sockets
makes it
darker; then
when they
have stopped
screaming
I explain how
I am gonna
torture them
for the next
twelve hours
then, for them
it gets even
darker

(vi) Nine, nine, nine!

they say
a stitch in tine
saves nine
and I have
to agree
I once had
a stitch
chasing
a German
girl who said
"Nine!" to my
sexual
advances
I caught her
and stitched
her mouth
shut with
picture
hanging
wire
so she couldn't
scream
I later got
a stitch
laughing
about
her

(vii) ROOTS

they say
Money is
the root of
all evil
actually
it's my
cellar
my power tools
and the root
is my penis