I Get Frightened

You seem to know
when I am upset
without warning
even when we are away from each other
I lit the candles and crouched my body in the bath tub
I was a boat
floating in the night
and I almost felt graceful
when you said sorry
watching my hands and feet shine with beads of liquid
listening to the water when I moved gently

and I've grown frightened of my imagination
more so than ever
why must it make me dream of you so vividly
even when awake
yes was I awake?
I think yes
yet I forget what your kisses feel like
or the way
you smell
I used to know when I would  burrow my head into your pillow

I get frightened
that you are gone forever
and I may love again
but it will never be as good
and I get frightened
that you will love again
but it will be better
and I will fade into your memory like a sheeted chair in a forgotten home
yes you were like a home to me
do you think tenderly of me
while I sob for you
or do I seem jaded once again
I wait too much
for frailty