deepundergroundpoetry.com
I Should Know Better
I know better than to change someone's mind. People will always do as they please and if one's mind is already made up, then there is no need to waste my breath. I accept defeat and I own up to the burden and shame of being helpless in stopping the outcome of losing someone I love.
I do not relent because I am submissive and docile. I relent because they have made up their mind and no amount of crying, screaming, or persuasion will change anything. Instead to save face, I hold my head high and try not to cry.. i walk away back into the crawlspace of my hell and then let the pain consume me there instead.
In the end I realize not everyone is deserving of my tears.
I realize that my pride will not allow them the satisfaction of seeing my pain, because i know their intent is to hurt me even though they lie to my face and say it is not.
I think the worst part about a decision another makes that impacts your life.. is when they do not have a solid explanation for their action. I know better than to walk away without first trying to pry for a reason in their stony eyes. Always the questions are asked-
What did I do wrong?
Why are you doing this?
Is this what you truly want?
And then the statements..
I thought you loved me
This can't be happening
And then the most painful-
I love you
Those are the last three words one can ever say to a loved one who hurts them. Whether it be a lover or member of your family. It is always the ones who are closest to you who will destroy you the most.
See.. I should know better than to open my doors, allow connection, allow there to be room for others in my heart. But i am a hopeless romantic and dreamer..
What i am saying is i am a stupid fucking masochist.
The definition of insanity is attempting to use the same approach over and over and expect a different result.
I should know better than to be kind.. but for some reason i cannot help it.. a part of me yearns to be reciprocated. It is that part of me that is insane. I use kindness in repitition to whoever will listen.. and like a finger reaching out to touch a candle
I am often burned.
But i seem to like the pain. I should know better, right?
I do not relent because I am submissive and docile. I relent because they have made up their mind and no amount of crying, screaming, or persuasion will change anything. Instead to save face, I hold my head high and try not to cry.. i walk away back into the crawlspace of my hell and then let the pain consume me there instead.
In the end I realize not everyone is deserving of my tears.
I realize that my pride will not allow them the satisfaction of seeing my pain, because i know their intent is to hurt me even though they lie to my face and say it is not.
I think the worst part about a decision another makes that impacts your life.. is when they do not have a solid explanation for their action. I know better than to walk away without first trying to pry for a reason in their stony eyes. Always the questions are asked-
What did I do wrong?
Why are you doing this?
Is this what you truly want?
And then the statements..
I thought you loved me
This can't be happening
And then the most painful-
I love you
Those are the last three words one can ever say to a loved one who hurts them. Whether it be a lover or member of your family. It is always the ones who are closest to you who will destroy you the most.
See.. I should know better than to open my doors, allow connection, allow there to be room for others in my heart. But i am a hopeless romantic and dreamer..
What i am saying is i am a stupid fucking masochist.
The definition of insanity is attempting to use the same approach over and over and expect a different result.
I should know better than to be kind.. but for some reason i cannot help it.. a part of me yearns to be reciprocated. It is that part of me that is insane. I use kindness in repitition to whoever will listen.. and like a finger reaching out to touch a candle
I am often burned.
But i seem to like the pain. I should know better, right?
Published 9th Jan 2018
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9th Jan 2018 11:02am
By the time we each reach a certain age, we all should know better because no matter what we say or do, we can never make someone love us, if they don’t already !
There’s a fine line between kindness, and being desperate whilst using kindness as a mechanism to obtaining love.
Neither, will proffer a person anything but heartache, in the end.
It sounds like the Kubler - Ross stages of grief will need to be employed sequentially, however, determining which stage one is at at the moment, requires blatant honesty with ones self.
When we lose someone we love, it is the grief of what ‘could’ve been’ but wasn’t, and will never be, that overwhelms and triggers the internal pain.
There’s a fine line between kindness, and being desperate whilst using kindness as a mechanism to obtaining love.
Neither, will proffer a person anything but heartache, in the end.
It sounds like the Kubler - Ross stages of grief will need to be employed sequentially, however, determining which stage one is at at the moment, requires blatant honesty with ones self.
When we lose someone we love, it is the grief of what ‘could’ve been’ but wasn’t, and will never be, that overwhelms and triggers the internal pain.
29th Jan 2018 1:49pm
Dont let damaged ppl,who do not knw how to appreciate care,change the essance of who u are,the world needs kind ppl.instead,protect yourself,see what ppl are showing u,thru their actions,and have enough selfworth to draw your boundries,when ure not being treated right,Love never hurts,it elivates and liberates.dnt be fooled by words,its actions that show love.Be strong in who u are.Stay kind.
MARVELLOUS
MARVELLOUS
