Not the Same

No two loves, will ever be the same.
 
I recall the moment I met you, and not long after, is when I met him.
 
Both of you, were on opposite ends of the spectrum in terms of who each of you were, as men. 
 
You, were still trying to burst forth into yourself and into your being, and out of your own boyish recklessness and womanising ways.
 
He, was mildly comfortable with himself as a man but he was deeply troubled from being fucked over in life.  
 
The latter, was something he and I understood, it was a commonality that led us to understand one another, and knowing the importance of nurturing each other.
 
We gravitated towards one another's energy as if we'd interacted long before we ever met, and I just went with the flow, without expectation. 
 
Expectation, is the greatest catalyst for disappointment, and there were never any expectations other than the moment in which we shared. 
 
There were many things that transpired on the periphery that made me retreat, but we remained friends, for as long as I could endure your presence upon my psyche.
 
You felt like sandpaper, and he became my soothing balm to the way in which you engaged with me.
 
We were never destined to be anything more than a platonic bond, once I met him. You and him, are different, in that your energy clashed with mine, and his blended nicely into the cracks of mine, in unity, elusively.
 
The love that grew for him, is different to the love I allowed to grow for you. You were more like a brother, than a lover.
 
He, set my heart on fire, and taught my soul how to breath again. 
 
You're definitely an alpha male, and due to this factor, we clashed as you wanted to micromanage my life.  
 
We will never see eye to eye, and I'm OK with that, deep down. The world turns, and we turn with it, it’s just another journey that we won’t ever take.
 
You, just have that impact upon me, and I'm not too certain how to work with your combative nature.
 
He was much softer, like the breeze invading my spaces.
 
 I needed that, at that point in time. I still need that but I'd rather be alone than be made a fool out of for no apparent reason other than because I cared and loved him, when he couldn't do those things for himself.
 
You, have only ever had a glimpse of that side to me as my love for him remained in the shadows to your peripheral vision.
 
You had my hand in friendship, and with that, came loyalty. Ultimately, you made the decision to abuse that trust, in the end.
 
When he hurts, I hurt. When the things you say and do hurt him, you're effectively hurting me too, and that's just the way it flows.
 
He has my respect & love, unconditionally, and there's nothing I wouldn't have done for him.
 
Even though you plotted and schemed to break that bond, I was still standing there with you as you knifed me in the back, along with everyone else that wanted his blood.
 
I just wish you'd both learn to let go of the past wrongs, and find a common ground to stand upon, in peace.
 
I know, wishful thinking but something has to give. Tolerance, isn't too much to ask for, is it ?!
 
At times, you've each compelled me to stand aside, while I bared witness to the injustices you'd each inflict upon one another's psyche.
 
I admired you for your principles but given the same option, time and time again, I would choose him, especially as I refuse to aide another to fall to their demise.
 
I'd rather extract myself from the picture, all together. The difference between you and I, is need. I don't need you.
 
I never needed you, it was always him that held me captive. 
 
I cherished our friendship, and nothing you say or do, will ever hurt me ever again.
 
I know that you're hurting, and I can only apologise for the pain your mind has to grapple with but what's done is done, you can't undo any of it.
 
I love you both, just in a very different way. 
 
He has my heart, but that never stopped me in extending my hand in friendship to you, with integrity as the core foundation, even when you speak about me with a forked tongue.
 
The lies you spun, were just astounding, and childish.
 
Some days, I feel like the neutrality that stands between love and hate.
 
In the end, it doesn't really matter as I've learnt to be content within my own company.