I dreamt our home was surrounded by dappling shimmering trees; almond, lemon, nectarine, orange and the heady distilled aroma from cherry blossoms & jasmine.
The latter lined the u shape unsealed gravel road that nestled the entrance to our acreage property at the base of the mountains.
We created multicolored stained glass mosaic wall features, nestled between the monastic vaulted ceilings, and each of those creations intricately depicted the love we each shared for one another as the sun beamed it's light to create a kaleidoscope of colors.
Hard wood and slate floors were equally laid down, with care, as a reflection of our firm foundations.
The sun dripped upon us like honey via the floor to ceiling louvered glass inserts as we spent many days and nights waiting for the sea breeze to blow in, and swirl around us in that big old room.
The room, that once held our love in the home we built to house and nurture one another. I recall spending many nights in that room, pondering why you did what you did, when you did.
Solitude, is a craving that restores my soul.
I can recalibrate and expand upon the realms that exist within me, like the constant motion of the tides, change is the only constant that I've ever known.
Slivered reflections of who we could've been emerge through my window, during the pockets of dawn and dusk, and I can't seem to summon the courage within me to do what needs to be done.
Daylight soon fades, and still, you're nowhere to be found as you continue to jump fences towards those who know not how to love you, like I loved you.
I think the key word in all of this is, loved.
It is better to walk away than to hurt, or seek answers to the unanswered questions that will never fill the empty spaces that have carved apparitions out of both of us.
I wonder, do you look in the mirror, and lie to yourself about how you feel ?
Because, every day there's a constant reminder of you, in the depths of my heart when it beats me to a pulp for reaching for you on the other side, knowing that you cannot be touched beyond the self imposed walls that keep you from soaring.
I woke to the sound of an owl outside my window, and I knew what that dream meant as tears streamed down my face.