Paralyzer

Paralyzer

It’s a warm June morning as I enter my favorite place on earth, Cedar Point.
My eyes scan the area searching for my first ride, but I already know what it’s going to be and it’s a ride that never disappoints.
The years are quickly passing and I may be developing some new aches in my joints
but a successor for my love of roller coasters I’m not yet ready to appoint.
Nothing beats the feeling of adrenaline rushing through your body on these steel scream machines.
I’ve been in love with that feeling since I was a teen.
It’s not slowing down and will likely continue on until I take my final breath.
The only thing that can do us apart is death.

Should I start my day off with Raptor?
Hell no!
Should I start my day off with Gatekeeper?
Hell no!
Should I start my day off with Magnum?
Hell no!
Should I start my day off with Millennium Force?
Good option but hell no!
What about Maverick?
Still…hell no!

There is only one coaster to start my day off and that is the king of coasters at Cedar Point, Top Thrill Dragster!
Of all coasters at the Point there isn’t one faster.
Not that speed is the overall deciding factor,
but in my eyes, Top Thrill is Cedar Points master.

I make my way quickly to the ride and get right in line.
There is no one in line until I reach the station and with me that is just fine.
The shorter the line the better, the more rides I can squeeze on before the crowd arrives.
I often see people sitting in the bleachers next to the ride too scared to get on the ride and think to myself, man they are really deprived.
What an excellent ride to be missing out on.
Besides now is the time to ride it when the ride is essentially a walk on.

After a six train wait for the front row, I climb aboard the purple train and faster my seat belt and lap bar.
I swear, one day I’m going to write about this ride in my memoir.
The train slowly moves out of the station and into the launch position.
Obtaining a roll back for the first time on this ride is my mission.
I’ve seen videos of it happen but have yet to experience it.
It’s a bucket list goal of mine I will admit.
I put my arms up in the air the second I feel the train slightly roll backwards. (A sure sign the ride is about to launch.)
The voice over the speaker says “arms down and hold on” but who listens to that line of shit?
  I don’t because my arms up means extra fun for me and my entertainment is all that matters.
Suddenly and without warning (besides the train rolling back) the train launches from 0 to 120 miles per hour in 4 seconds.
My eyes water in the wind as I thank God for this opportunity and count my blessings.
The train reaches the bottom of the hill and accelerates up the 420-foot-tall hill in a matter of seconds.
At this point, everything with the ride has gone smoothly and according to plan, but that is all about to change.
At the top of the hill my lap bar fails and comes loose.
That should never happen but I write it off as a mechanical error from years of abuse.
As long as the seat belt is around me I’ll be fine,
but I will be honest, fear is beginning to crawl up my spine.

To my horror, just as the train is about to descend over the hill, my seat belt also fails and I float up and out of my seat.
The train begins its decent back down the hill as I lift out of the train and stare at the ground straight down below me 420 feet.
Everything turns into slow motion as I begin to free back down towards to earth.
420 feet to go.
Before I know it…
300 feet to go.
I can’t believe this is happening to me.
200 feet to go.
Well, I guess it’s been a good life.
100 feet to go.
The ground is right in front of me.
Well it’s been a nice life, here comes the end.

I close my eyes as I slam into the ground.
I wonder how much of my body will be left behind to be found.
Everything around me goes instantly black.
I hear nothing but silence after my impact with the ground.
Silence…blackness…nothing…this must be death.
Silence…
Blackness…
Nothing…
Silence…
Blackness…
Nothing…
Not how I pictured death to be.

My eyes slowly open as I find myself lying in my bed.
However, I cannot move, shit maybe I really am dead.
I try to move my arms.
Nothing.
I try to move my legs.
Nothing.
I try to move my head.
Again, nothing.
All I can do is move my eyes to look around.
Sleep paralyzes, I recognize this, I wonder if I will eventually see some demons or sex deprived clowns.
I look around my bed room.
No aliens coming to abduct me.
No demons coming to terrorize me.
I look over at my alarm clock, it says it’s 3 am.
Of course, 3 am it never fails, it’s the time I most often wake up at.
Since nothing is happening to me besides not being able to move I’m going back to sleep.
I close my eyes to escape to a different realm once again.