Solace, send flowers

He drove us to Oakridge,TN by Melton lake
we ate biscuits at a Hardee's
the near empty parking lot next to a Goodwill
was colder than i remember

we were on our way to see my grandma at the hospital
near the friendship bell from Japan
just me and dad
"lib" everyone called her
Elizabeth Dyer Messamore

her first husband
William Ward Mitchell
was killed in service during World War II
France
she married his friend
William Jasper Messamore the 2nd
also a world war 2 veteran

a member of Bethel Baptist Church
Lib drove a white Mercedes-Benz
converted from unleaded to deisel
had 3 children
who grew up to disown each other
bicker like bitches they did
i followed in step somewhat

me,dad,and my brother Tyler saw her a few years back
at Christmas time in a home
she had no idea who we were
smiled from what i remember

she was awake then
we stopped at a Walgreen's
bought plush dolls
Rudolph & Yukon Cornelius
from the Rankin/Bass special
i thought it was cool Yukon carried a gun

jumping back to the present day memory
we walked into the hospital
empty stretchers lined the hallways
took the elevator
we passed the morgue by accident

making it to her room
she was sleeping
white sheets
white headed woman i no longer knew
sun shining through the window
peaceful
not confused
or puzzled why us strangers were in her room

the nurse of the days name written on a dry erase board
as if it mattered to her
nothing to identify her originality
from the other empty rooms
or the person she had grew to be
that look in her eyes when she looked at Samuel
that spoke Love from the pictures i have

she had been in  hospice care for 10 years

mom told me one time when i was young
we found her walking
picked her up in our 1989 red Chevrolet Astro van
wandering
trying to find her brothers house
she couldn't remember where it was in Powell

we had come to say goodbye
they were putting her down
like an animal at the vet
being carried home in a brown cardboard box to bury

to this day i've only saw my dad cry once
he broke down
showed me just what life does to people
to the strong

i was seventeen
clueless up until that point
it hit me like a ton of fucking bricks
i cried
throat tightened
jaw hurt
my muscles tensed up when i'm mad or upset
they still do

no idea when i woke up that day
i would find out how weak my tear ducts were
what hurt really felt like falling from cheeks
looked like
sitting in a cheap hospital bedside chair
choking on memories
rolling to the end of a long line ridden
rerouted from Death by money for more time

i hugged my dad like i never hugged him before
blue train overalls and all
when we left
we attempted to compose ourselves
we were a fucking car wreck of emotions

she died on December 27,2006
it still lights a fire in me when i think about it

i'm 28 now
i still have my mom,dad,and older brother

me and my wife have picnics at the Messamore family plot now and again
saying hi to everyone at Lynnhurst cemetery

Alzheimer's ate my grandma
and one day it may eat me