The shadows inside me

You could never imagine the life I've lived
All the pain and suffering
In my life just as a kid
And it seems to only get worse
Just with longer intervals
Of waiting for it to begin again

 I shouldn't exist  
I've had too many near deaths
And one success only to be brought back
Cursed
Resuscitated as a teen
After I consumed some drugs and  pills and maybe some shrooms

And one rebirth  I guess
Although I would of passed
Since then not to much has been grand
Just slams
To the ground
But I keep getting back up again
Telling life your a fucking bitch
You hit like my sister
Dusting my kicks off and starting again
But I'm tired of the repetition
Something's gotta give

You wouldn't understand the love I give
And how I receive it
How I tick and what pleases me
I'm to complex and you're not deep
I'm wild untamed unchained so I do  what I please

But I don't even like me
I just see a demon staring back at me
And all the bad things I've done
And things done to me
I shattered the mirror last week
Slivers of glass dug into me
Cut pieces off me
The blood was everywhere
And I felt alive and not weak
Its like all the pain was just pouring from me

This depression creeps on me
I can't feel and can't think
Is this all pointless
Why even breath

I've never had a home
Everyone I loved is gone
I'm always numb
Always alone
What's the point on moving on

I'll end up like my dad
I'll fight for as long as I can
Then I'll end it myself
Like he did when I was ten
Least I won't leave a son behind
With a drug addict for a mom

My soul has sung its last song
And I'm still waiting for a response