Whats Black is Blue

I can't not...won't not
Not with you
Love is just noise
An untruth
With your heart you play keep-away
So close to my hands...but too far from me...I did my best...I did my best...why don't you long for me...what gives you a reason to hate me...what is it your pretending to be...you don' t have to impress me

Who is it..what is it that hurt you so...that you can't grow...when I' m with you...I feel fat...when I' m with you...I feel small....when I' m with you..I'm nothing at all...all I do is cry...there is no opinion...no options...only confusion and your solution...

Caligula...you are to me
Bruises on my cheek where you used to kiss me...hand prints on my throat where you gave me hickies....black eyes...swollen eyes...where I used to stare at you sleep at night....my legs feel weak...my arms feel limp....my mind is washed...my happiness strank...I strink at the sight of you...I'm so scared of what you can do...some days my bruises are red...others blue

I don' t wanna be wrong for loving you...I don't want this investment in a relationship to end...but its not like you'd let me leave anyway...you take me and fuck me when you want it...you slap me if I disrespect you...you stalk me if I neglect you...you beat me...if i challenge you....you ignore me if i say i love you...

I cook for you to get my hair yanked...I clean for you to be spanked....I iron your clothes to be spit on...I bring you beers for ciggarette burns....maybe someday I'll learn...maybe someday you'll change...maybe you'll see the error of your ways....cause I still love you the same.

I can hold back my horror...I can hold in my pain...i can stop limping...I can stop screaming when you jump on me for no reason...i can stop going to the hospital...i can stop seeing my family.  I can stop going outside...with you is where i need to be.