Silence

 
Anxiety makes it difficult to be open
With the thoughts inside my head
I always anticipate the worst
So I let my silence speak instead
But that causes misunderstandings
And inaccurate assumptions
Yet I can't bring my mouth to open
So I let people sit while I'm wondering
I'm wandering off to dark places
Yet its still brighter than my mindset
I dont know what type of god there is
But they told me it's not my time yet
See, I suffer deeply
Walking around with this silent heart within my chest
All the pictures painted by pain
Are all compressed within my chest
Yet I don't explode
It's like I'm that balloon that never pops
You'd think that's a good thing
But I been wishing it would stop
Levitating..
Or maybe I'm actually sinking below
I'm a broken individual
Who never let's any cracks show
I cry often  
But you'll never see a tear fall down my face in public
This makeup took too long to set
Can't let any water touch it
But as soon as I'm alone
I find myself shattered and crumbling
Say she's too beautiful for the hurt
And she's too sweet like a honey bee
Maybe its this image
My face doesn't match the shit I've dealt with
I put everyone before me
But watch they sit and say I'm selfish
When's the last time I said fuck you
Whens the last time I looked out for me
How'd you let me build this plane to heaven
Just so you could leave without me?
I get left behind
I get tossed in the ashes
Nobody gives a fuck til its too late
No one cares til you're in a casket
Oh, Jay, stop being dramatic
Like shut up, you don't know my hurt
Yet I can't even explain the shit to you
Cause anxiety confiscates my words
So just fuck it...
In the quiet is where my tongue remains
Yeah, its hard to stay sane
With so many unspoken words within your brain
But I built my own tomb
Hid it in a grave I dug for myself
Too tired to do anything
Yet too prideful to ask for help...
Fuck it.