deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Tarrying Will Carry You
Like inhaling phantoms
through the time split
of sentiment
Like smoking spasms
through the screen
fresh greens
of crystalline anxiety
Sniff out fissures
find junctures to jump
from Cali poppy
onto lipstick layaways
to days brimming
with nothing in particular
Stir the stockpot
of modest venture
bone broth of newborn boredom
to strain scruples away
Nourished on neuroticism
nursed on capricious breasts
rent a room to daydream into
stargaze - always
restlessness
through the time split
of sentiment
Like smoking spasms
through the screen
fresh greens
of crystalline anxiety
Sniff out fissures
find junctures to jump
from Cali poppy
onto lipstick layaways
to days brimming
with nothing in particular
Stir the stockpot
of modest venture
bone broth of newborn boredom
to strain scruples away
Nourished on neuroticism
nursed on capricious breasts
rent a room to daydream into
stargaze - always
restlessness
Published 29th Nov 2017
| Edited 30th Nov 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 5
reads 580
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
30th Nov 2017 12:25pm
I feel the overall poem statement is telling me to venture and daring me to dream.
"Like sucking phantoms
through the time hole
of sentiment" - this takes me right to Army of darkness the movie or it could also be funny and inappropriate
"Like smoking spasms
through the screen
fresh greens
of crystalline anxiety" - detoxing, i get flashes of my childhood when i think of smoking through a screen.the fresh greens takes me to a garden i kept in high school with coffee grounds and egg shells.
"Sniff out fissures
find junctures to jump
from Cali poppy
onto lipstick layaways
to days brimming
with nothing in particular" - this takes me from jumping dirt ramps on my bicycle to the idea of an affair that grew dull for them.
"Stir the stockpot
of modest venture
bone broth of newborn boredom
to strain scruples away"- take to the rails for adventures but be weary for new things can grow boring too
"Nourished on neuroticism
nursed on capricious breasts
rent a room to daydream into
stargaze - always
restlessness" - placate spread your winds and fly when you feel you should be...sleep comes not tonight
very cool poem
for an honest critique i'd say if you were shooting for a more serious poem maybe change the wording in the first stanza because sucking through holes reminds some people to go clear their browser history lol
other than that it's a solid write
i really enjoyed the third stanza
"from Cali poppy
onto lipstick layaway's " sweet turn of phrase.
great job.
"Like sucking phantoms
through the time hole
of sentiment" - this takes me right to Army of darkness the movie or it could also be funny and inappropriate
"Like smoking spasms
through the screen
fresh greens
of crystalline anxiety" - detoxing, i get flashes of my childhood when i think of smoking through a screen.the fresh greens takes me to a garden i kept in high school with coffee grounds and egg shells.
"Sniff out fissures
find junctures to jump
from Cali poppy
onto lipstick layaways
to days brimming
with nothing in particular" - this takes me from jumping dirt ramps on my bicycle to the idea of an affair that grew dull for them.
"Stir the stockpot
of modest venture
bone broth of newborn boredom
to strain scruples away"- take to the rails for adventures but be weary for new things can grow boring too
"Nourished on neuroticism
nursed on capricious breasts
rent a room to daydream into
stargaze - always
restlessness" - placate spread your winds and fly when you feel you should be...sleep comes not tonight
very cool poem
for an honest critique i'd say if you were shooting for a more serious poem maybe change the wording in the first stanza because sucking through holes reminds some people to go clear their browser history lol
other than that it's a solid write
i really enjoyed the third stanza
"from Cali poppy
onto lipstick layaway's " sweet turn of phrase.
great job.
30th Nov 2017 3:24pm
Thank you! I didn't even think of that lol! :) My mind is in a really weird place...
30th Nov 2017 3:43pm
3rd Dec 2017 9:39pm
amazing -
"Like smoking spasms
through the screen
fresh greens
of crystalline anxiety" - I feel like many times these are my days encapsulated :-( excellent ink :-)
"Like smoking spasms
through the screen
fresh greens
of crystalline anxiety" - I feel like many times these are my days encapsulated :-( excellent ink :-)
4th Dec 2017 2:00am
I'm so sorry. That if course, dredges up a blend of feelings for me. As writers, we reach out to touch others in a range of relatable expressions. But...much of what we express, we hope others don't have the misfortune to empathize upon. It's weird...
