deepundergroundpoetry.com
Imperfection
The image of imperfection glares at me from the looking glass
If looks could kill I'd kill my effigy for looking so damn ugly
Who could love a face my own mother could not say "I love you" to
Even I need to imagine my reflection thirty-four years less weathered
If only I could go back before my eyes were darkened with depression
Forcing me to look away from the broken disaster I've become
Turning my back on the future I could have made my own
Littering the tracks disappearing into my distant past
So far I can't remember if a smile ever caressed my face
Now I'm already regretting the sorrow tomorrow will bring to me
In the empty hallways of my mind run endless mirrored corridors
Trapped in a maze of tempered glass where only hearts can shatter
I should smash the echo that falsely displayed the image I portrayed
My need to be loved must get out of my way, allowing despair to pass
Because the perfect life I used to want was never there before me
While regrets keep piling up as obstacles preventing death from reaching out
So I exist in forced immortality like a vampire with an unquenched thirst for love
But like sunlight each time it touches me, burns my heart into unliving dust
If looks could kill I'd kill my effigy for looking so damn ugly
Who could love a face my own mother could not say "I love you" to
Even I need to imagine my reflection thirty-four years less weathered
If only I could go back before my eyes were darkened with depression
Forcing me to look away from the broken disaster I've become
Turning my back on the future I could have made my own
Littering the tracks disappearing into my distant past
So far I can't remember if a smile ever caressed my face
Now I'm already regretting the sorrow tomorrow will bring to me
In the empty hallways of my mind run endless mirrored corridors
Trapped in a maze of tempered glass where only hearts can shatter
I should smash the echo that falsely displayed the image I portrayed
My need to be loved must get out of my way, allowing despair to pass
Because the perfect life I used to want was never there before me
While regrets keep piling up as obstacles preventing death from reaching out
So I exist in forced immortality like a vampire with an unquenched thirst for love
But like sunlight each time it touches me, burns my heart into unliving dust
Published 27th Nov 2017
| Edited 17th Jul 2018
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27th Nov 2017 8:28pm
27th Nov 2017 8:32pm
dearest JJ a profoundly deep & sorrowful write
speaking your deepest truths here
I know my love for you as a poet
can not quench your need for a love in your life
none the less I do love you as a deeply passionate person..
love & hugs Brenda
speaking your deepest truths here
I know my love for you as a poet
can not quench your need for a love in your life
none the less I do love you as a deeply passionate person..
love & hugs Brenda
28th Nov 2017 6:17am
Thank you Brenda, I love you too! Sometimes love is like a monster from an alternate universe. It looks the same on the surface but underneath it has ulterior intentions... between you and Tara I should be bathing on happiness from the love you both have for me, but when the kind that I desire more than life itself is always beyond my reach, even the best of friends cannot mend what's broke inside of me... and as someone whose heart is master and commander of this vessel, when the hull is breached and the boat is sinking, I must go down with this ship...
JJ
JJ
Anonymous
27th Nov 2017 9:12pm
I have a number of thoughts on this one, JJ. First, I've seen the face you refer to and know for a fact it's not ugly. Whatever your mother did or didn't say to you - know that that was her failing, not yours. Her lack of compassion or empathy does not reflect on you - only on her. Second, we can't go backward and change the past. Our actions have reactions and repercussions that follow them. But we do get to determine what we want to do with our tomorrow. I think more often than not we're just too afraid or beaten down emotionally to try. Third, this in no way sucks because it expresses how you feel. And expression and release are important. There is an expression that goes something like "harm none..." Far too often we forget that we are part of that none. Be kind to yourself. Even if you feel you are the only one doing so. Especially then. Don't you think it's even more important at such times?
28th Nov 2017 6:44am
It's complicated. My parents were both very kind and caring people who bent over backwards to help others, including me. But somehow it was all very antiseptic. They never said they loved me, never hugged me and that was all I ever wanted. It still is. I feel selfish for having such expectations but now that I have past the point of no return, I can have no other wish than to turn back time. Even if by some miracle I fid the love I have always craved, I am too old and broken to experience the joy that is supposed to be a part of it. For a brief moment I thought it was possible but in my zeal I blew it again. I can't win. Maybe it's fate, maybe it's god, maybe it's just me, but I'm still alone and I'm going to be alone forever. If you knew the facts of my past you'd think it was all made up, the worst streak of bad luck that has stricken a human being since the life of Job. There's no point in trying. I've said that before, I should have listened better...
JJ
JJ
27th Nov 2017 10:56pm
28th Nov 2017 00:29am
28th Nov 2017 11:27am
Anonymous
28th Nov 2017 10:31am
Sad to read this for you are a great poet with a lovely soul.
Hugs <3
Hugs <3
28th Nov 2017 11:26am
