deepundergroundpoetry.com
justify!
if not what she does, what she doesn't. she is a pinched valve, she has to take something to give. she used to think so. now she for sure knows. contraindications: she cannot maintain an erection or give birth.
alone is no burden. alone is just fine. it is less of nothing.
it would be satiating to break the seal and forfeit the warranty on it. to void her nothing. but it is like waiting for reincarnation. on that day will be candles and cake which we will eat them both. the fall will be with one step backwards and she will lie supine showing blooded gums and canines, no broken bones.
the choice: she can follow her umbilical cord right back to the minotaur. or she can stay. and she can stay but why, wherefore, and by what name do you call the scent of lure that it smells fouler? and can the sky be shaded from her so she does not have to yearn to bite it? she has wit and sharpness and a lizard's third eyelids but her heart inside her is stuffed and trussed with bacon, her tongue salted.
alone is just fine.
alone is no burden. alone is just fine. it is less of nothing.
it would be satiating to break the seal and forfeit the warranty on it. to void her nothing. but it is like waiting for reincarnation. on that day will be candles and cake which we will eat them both. the fall will be with one step backwards and she will lie supine showing blooded gums and canines, no broken bones.
the choice: she can follow her umbilical cord right back to the minotaur. or she can stay. and she can stay but why, wherefore, and by what name do you call the scent of lure that it smells fouler? and can the sky be shaded from her so she does not have to yearn to bite it? she has wit and sharpness and a lizard's third eyelids but her heart inside her is stuffed and trussed with bacon, her tongue salted.
alone is just fine.
Published 27th Nov 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 2
comments 12
reads 877
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The author encourages honest critique.
27th Nov 2017 6:07pm
27th Nov 2017 7:13pm
"if not what she does, what she doesn't. she is a pinched valve, she has to take something to give. she used to think so. now she for sure knows. contraindications: she cannot maintain an erection or give birth. "
-very strong emotions upturned on this, possibly not able to bear life; i feel like someone cut off the flow to feelings and senses for you.
"alone is no burden. alone is just fine. it is less of nothing. "- i'm getting a sense of strength and atonement
"it would be satiating to break the seal and forfeit the warranty on it. to void her nothing. but it is like waiting for reincarnation. on that day will be candles and cake which we will eat them both. the fall will be with one step backwards and she will lie supine showing blooded gums and canines, no broken bones. "
-voiding warranty's on life paints a vivid picture, waiting for something new...anything new to happen and change
" what name do you call the scent of lure that it smells fouler?" -woah, beautiful line. love it.
"can the sky be shaded from her so she does not have to yearn to bite it?" -i imagine dodging bullets,lead. biting your tounge
"she has wit and sharpness and a lizard's third eyelids but her heart inside her is stuffed and trussed with bacon, her tongue salted. " -Love is the weakness in everyone and its the most beautiful thing that can tear us apart at the seems. the playfulness with the bacon and salt is awesome.
well penned anna_grin
-very strong emotions upturned on this, possibly not able to bear life; i feel like someone cut off the flow to feelings and senses for you.
"alone is no burden. alone is just fine. it is less of nothing. "- i'm getting a sense of strength and atonement
"it would be satiating to break the seal and forfeit the warranty on it. to void her nothing. but it is like waiting for reincarnation. on that day will be candles and cake which we will eat them both. the fall will be with one step backwards and she will lie supine showing blooded gums and canines, no broken bones. "
-voiding warranty's on life paints a vivid picture, waiting for something new...anything new to happen and change
" what name do you call the scent of lure that it smells fouler?" -woah, beautiful line. love it.
"can the sky be shaded from her so she does not have to yearn to bite it?" -i imagine dodging bullets,lead. biting your tounge
"she has wit and sharpness and a lizard's third eyelids but her heart inside her is stuffed and trussed with bacon, her tongue salted. " -Love is the weakness in everyone and its the most beautiful thing that can tear us apart at the seems. the playfulness with the bacon and salt is awesome.
well penned anna_grin
27th Nov 2017 8:19pm
hey.. thanks. not sure if ive seen u here before but thanks for your top-shelf critique, and the compliments x
27th Nov 2017 8:31pm
I'm going on a few months on here/ i bounce back and fourth between here, all poetry,and my poetry blog.
the critiques here are usually way better than on AP so i'm starting to use this platform more.
if you find some free time feel free to drop by and check out some of my writing.
https://zaroffpoetry.wordpress.com/
the critiques here are usually way better than on AP so i'm starting to use this platform more.
if you find some free time feel free to drop by and check out some of my writing.
https://zaroffpoetry.wordpress.com/
27th Nov 2017 8:58pm
28th Nov 2017 1:28pm
Great to have you back online and posting , Anna! I adore reading your poems because I know that each one is always a masterpiece --you have amazing talent !
28th Nov 2017 10:42pm
28th Nov 2017 4:05pm
Hello
pffft, I bet you're a cuddly kitten under it all. first comment above makes a lot of sense. [ handy to read after reading the poem. ]
far as constructive goes, I got nothing to give. I don't feel bad though cos all evidences would suggest you know more about the ins and outs of this poetry lark than most of us.
There's a lot given here. perhaps a little jumbled up like a nostradamus quatraine ( to ease the chill of nakedness ) but maybe not. either way, its both insightful and inspiring
"alone is just fine. it is less of nothing"
I feel I knew you in a different life...
anyhow, good stuff lady.
*hat tip*
pffft, I bet you're a cuddly kitten under it all. first comment above makes a lot of sense. [ handy to read after reading the poem. ]
far as constructive goes, I got nothing to give. I don't feel bad though cos all evidences would suggest you know more about the ins and outs of this poetry lark than most of us.
There's a lot given here. perhaps a little jumbled up like a nostradamus quatraine ( to ease the chill of nakedness ) but maybe not. either way, its both insightful and inspiring
"alone is just fine. it is less of nothing"
I feel I knew you in a different life...
anyhow, good stuff lady.
*hat tip*
to ease the chill of nakedness
indeed
though imperfect i am, i still have good taste
indeed
though imperfect i am, i still have good taste
28th Nov 2017 10:45pm
expression.
intensity
yet
tenderness
for the emotions were carried
with both.
not easy job.
i like expressions
the do what they're supposed to.
are we
ever
truly left alone?
intensity
yet
tenderness
for the emotions were carried
with both.
not easy job.
i like expressions
the do what they're supposed to.
are we
ever
truly left alone?
28th Nov 2017 10:55pm
28th Nov 2017 10:59pm
