Faux free will

I have yet to escape the wrath of my lifes biggest regret, allowing penetration beyond the walls of my heart and my head. Recuperation by day, endless wars by night, torn between two realities I struggle to hold myself together, though my wounds are sewn tight... so it seems.
Why hold on to something that burns like metal red hot. If we have the ability to choose then I can forget this thing, can I not? I can ignore the beating in my chest when I accidentally think of you there, i can fall asleep when it's time instead of staring blankly into thin air. I can choose to continue breathing when I forget to forget you, I can decide that today I won't remember to remember you. When everything is silent and the moon lights the sky, I'll choose not to reminisce of nights at that lake asking myself why. When I see myself in the mirror I'll choose not to regret being **** * ***, I'll be happy with the cards I've been dealt, and I'll make the best out of this hand. But it seems I was not blessed with the power of free will, there are just not enough choices that could erase how I feel. What's worse is that I alone carry this pain, for you I'm sure I've been left to the side just as quickly as I came.... such a shame.
Written by martyr26
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