deepundergroundpoetry.com
Something
I share the frustration of all writers
Who sit at the keyboard with nothing to write
And wonder when they will feel that push of an idea
Coming through to their fingers
So instead of writing nothing
I will just write
Something
And feel better about myself for the day
Because I actually wrote today
And even though I know it to be a lie
It is still a truth
Just look
There it is on the page
Something
Who sit at the keyboard with nothing to write
And wonder when they will feel that push of an idea
Coming through to their fingers
So instead of writing nothing
I will just write
Something
And feel better about myself for the day
Because I actually wrote today
And even though I know it to be a lie
It is still a truth
Just look
There it is on the page
Something
Published 18th Nov 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 0
comments 3
reads 490
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
18th Nov 2017 10:09pm
Bravo!!! So many times I wish I could have written even something like this...words when pent up are torture, even if we write we are having a hard time finding them, relief is actually gifted...you have gifted both yourself and me with this ink, therefore, I thank you, John.
Xoxo Taryn
Xoxo Taryn
24th Nov 2017 12:35pm
Nice job! I like the way you broke up the lines. Had you left the lines more complete (longer), this would have been too prose-like for my liking, but your artful choice on where to end each line is what makes this piece so poetic.
Normally, when someone asks for an honest critique, I do a deep-crit, which ends up being very in-depth and lengthy with a lot of suggestions for improvement, but it's tough for me to do that with your poem because your topic doesn't lend itself to highly critical review; there was no imagery conflict, there were no rhythm issues that jarred me, and there were no glaring spelling errors. And sometimes, in some poems, even though poems are artistic and not always subject to rules grammar, some people ignore or misappropriate the grammar to such an extent that it isn't artistic, it just feels lazy or wrong. You didn't do that. Your piece is smooth.
If I *had* to squeeze out one complaint about your piece, I think the only thing I could come up with at the moment is that the topic isn't an original one...I have read several just recently (and I have been using the 'random poem' search), but I can hardly judge you for that when, just yesterday, I wrote a similar poem. ;-) Was your poem any more dull because it was a topic already covered? No. You did it well, and I liked the part where you were determined to write something anyway to feel better about yourself, because 'at least you wrote something'.
Your poem is good the way it stands, but if you wanted to challenge yourself, you could create more imagery and give us some of your half-formed ideas as you figuratively toss the ideas away. You would have to take care to not lose the rhythm you have going, though, and not lose the still-in-control feeling I perceive in your piece, because I like the sense of determination, the willpower you exhibit, like you are going to mentally plow through the writer's block instead of letting yourself be the victim of it.
Good poem! Don't get too cozy, though, my crits are *rarely* so glorifying, LoL! I get to the nitty-gritty, and it's very rare for me to come across any prose or poetry that I can't suggest a great deal of improvements on. Very rare. (If you were hoping for a substantial supply of suggested improvements on this poem, as I often am when I post my work, then I am sorry to disappoint on this one.)
Normally, when someone asks for an honest critique, I do a deep-crit, which ends up being very in-depth and lengthy with a lot of suggestions for improvement, but it's tough for me to do that with your poem because your topic doesn't lend itself to highly critical review; there was no imagery conflict, there were no rhythm issues that jarred me, and there were no glaring spelling errors. And sometimes, in some poems, even though poems are artistic and not always subject to rules grammar, some people ignore or misappropriate the grammar to such an extent that it isn't artistic, it just feels lazy or wrong. You didn't do that. Your piece is smooth.
If I *had* to squeeze out one complaint about your piece, I think the only thing I could come up with at the moment is that the topic isn't an original one...I have read several just recently (and I have been using the 'random poem' search), but I can hardly judge you for that when, just yesterday, I wrote a similar poem. ;-) Was your poem any more dull because it was a topic already covered? No. You did it well, and I liked the part where you were determined to write something anyway to feel better about yourself, because 'at least you wrote something'.
Your poem is good the way it stands, but if you wanted to challenge yourself, you could create more imagery and give us some of your half-formed ideas as you figuratively toss the ideas away. You would have to take care to not lose the rhythm you have going, though, and not lose the still-in-control feeling I perceive in your piece, because I like the sense of determination, the willpower you exhibit, like you are going to mentally plow through the writer's block instead of letting yourself be the victim of it.
Good poem! Don't get too cozy, though, my crits are *rarely* so glorifying, LoL! I get to the nitty-gritty, and it's very rare for me to come across any prose or poetry that I can't suggest a great deal of improvements on. Very rare. (If you were hoping for a substantial supply of suggested improvements on this poem, as I often am when I post my work, then I am sorry to disappoint on this one.)
