deepundergroundpoetry.com

Never knew her

My heart must be a four leaf clover  
growing just over yonder
underneath the weight of my bad decisions
It's fidelity to keep me safe
from her must be an act of God
ever morning I wake up with the taste
of his blood still washing away my sins
 
I never knew her
never knew her solace to absolve
the fear in the rain
her and I have had no relations
she is promiscuous
and has married and been intimate
with many souls
consummated each one
on a bed of death
tangled in sheets of hopelessness  
 
Suicide
she said was her name
as she sauntered over my way
her red bottom hills clicking and clacking like the sound wood makes as it feeds the fires
fighting against winter as it feeds on the warmth of my skin
ripe with anxiety.
 
She asked my name
I looked in her eyes  
they reassembled a man's blank  
gaze as he swang by the neck
just as the noose began its meal
she said she could tell I was her type
 
Defensively I hid my scars  
swallowed the need to pick at  
the scabs I had left on forgivness
And she came over and put her soft nurturing hands on mine
 
they felt just like the light at the end of the tunnel
I felt the numbness begin to consume the burden set on my withering tenacity  
given as a reward from the copious amount of mistake placed on my life
as if they were woven in the thread of my humanity.
 
Her lips where shaped like the first time I had lost my innocence
they tasted like wondering why daddy was angry and mommy was crying.  
 
She had gun shot wounds in her hair, slit wrists in her smile
self pity in her finger nails
and she spoke like she knew my pain and it's purpose  
spoke the language of immense depression that complemented the anger and aggression in me
 
I needed the way she massaged my premonitions, needed the way she could make the night terrors tangible enough for me to physically discard myself, loved the way she caressed my deepest insecurities in her mirror of lies
 
But I never knew her
she screamed and condemned me for choosing this sick body of perfect flaws, over her practices of suicidal lust
 
She grabbed and tugged on my ankles, pleading for me to submit to her caress, begging to darken this light of mine that was moments from burning out as I layed stale spirited at rock bottom.
 
But My heart is a four leaf clover
Growing proud over yonder regardless of the disdain soil it sprouted from
It's fidelity to keep me safe from her must be an act of God
ever morning I wake up with the taste of his blood still washing away my sins
 
And I never knew her
suicide
she was just an acquaintance.
bluethoughts
Written by bluethoughts
Published
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