[ On Drawing ] The Self Taught Artist

     
Drawing is a hobby that comes    
natural to me to a degree;    
I tend to disagree to agree    
with anyone saying I am gifted    
     
However, I will eagerly concur    
as far as being a Teacher goes      
I was a poor Substitute    
     
Referring to myself as a    
self taught artist    
is easier than explaining      
I learned the fucking hard way    
rather than deferring to experts    
knowledgeable on said subject
throughout the years    
     
Likewise educated in self defense )    
I blame that on no one  
showing any interest in    
dispensing the lessons    
I needed to learn    
     
likely due to a general lacking of    
interest in me as a person    
so many years ago    
     
Decades to be precise    
     
I was on my own    
conditioning myself    
not to screw up artwork    
labored over tirelessly for hours      
     
ironically    
resulting in far more      
poorly executed sketches    
than I care to remember    
     
Eventually I discovered    
upon further self examination    

---no doubt performed by the psychiatrist    
I sometimes fancy myself as---      
     
fear of failure      
led to incalculable    
over-compensations;    
     
muscles and tendons    
in left arm, wrist and hand    
became rigidly tensed    
burrowing pencil tips    
so deep into paper that      
erasing a mistake was damn near    
impossible    
     
and    
     
believing I should be drawing    
everything in my mind despite    
what was right in front of my eyes    
     
The most important lesson    
I ever learned regarding    
any creative pursuit including      
this rendered life of mine?
    
Relax, enjoy the process    
appreciate what you are    
presently in the presence of  
and Trust in everything
turning out fine