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U.S. Versus the Board of Local Weather Systems

"Order in the Court. Let us bring out the defendants.
Mr. Fall, according to our account of the changing months, in July the leaves were green, and in September we caught you red handed."
 
"I deny all charges."
 
"Officers, display the evidence."
 
"Okay, okay, I admit it.  
I was an art major in college, and I hate green."
 
The jury is in awe. A woman with a peridot necklace faints in the aisle.
 
"Mr. Fall, that is enough! Here in America, we respect our primary colors."
 
"Next to the stand: Mr. Winter.
Did you know that your cold weather gave little Suzy the sniffles?"
 
"I swear, I swear I didn't know. I was just fulfilling my contract with the polar bears."
 
"Officer, bring the polar bear to the stand."
 
"Argh. Arrgh."
 
"Present the translator."
 
"The polar bear says that his wife wants him to trim his mustache, but he can't because the air is too cold."
 
"Now, Mr. Winter, are you trying to say that you don't care about Mr. Polar Bear's marital affairs?
It is a holy matrimony ordained by the sovereign state of Alaska."
 
"He's lying! He's lying. His cave was melting and I fixed it.
I've been framed!  
He doesn't even have a wife!
He's an endangered species!"
 
"More like you're on thin ice. Bring out Ms. Spring.
 
Ms. Spring, do you know how big my house is?"
 
"No I do not."
 
"Then what gives you the right to make me do Spring cleaning?!"
 
"It's just an expression. You don't have to if you don't-"
 
"And why do you spread pollen when you know people are allergic?
Bring out little Suzy."
Little Suzy looks up at Ms. Spring sniffling and rubbing her eye.
 
"The people of the United States, especially the Southeast, will stand firm against your bioterrorism."
 
"But pollen and trees and-"
 
"Take her out of here. We don't negotiate with terrorists."
 
"Now, we come to Mrs. Summer. Where might I ask is your husband?"
 
"Actually, late. He had a heatstroke."
 
"Well, at least he passed before August.
Mrs. Summer, I will ask you one question, and I want you to answer honestly:
What do you have against California? Why don't you burn, I don't know, Rhode Island?"
 
"James Cameron.
He wrote Titanic, and ever since Winter watched it, he won't stop saying, 'That was my iceberg!'
But did you ever hear of global warming? I make it hot everywhere."
 
"Is that true Al Gore?"
 
"Yes, it is very true. In fact, it's global warmening so much that next year a hurricane is going to take off half the United States."
 
"Mrs. Summer, with predictions like this, you can see why we're speculative of your alibi, right?"
 
"Get me my lawyer."
 
"Who's her lawyer?"
 
"Mr. God, what do you do for a living?"
 
"I make stuff."
 
"Could you be more specific."
 
"Well the tree your chair is manufactured from, I made it."
 
"Sir, have you heard of a superiority complex?"
 
"I've heard of everything."
 
"Someone cross-examine the lawyer. This God fellow thinks he's Morgan Freeman."
 
"Ahem.
Now, our final manner of business is this itinerary.
This is when it can and cannot rain,
and it was put to a vote around everyone's birthday.
Refer to it in your list of Democratic liberties.
Court adjourned."
Written by DecipherMe
Published | Edited 7th Nov 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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