deepundergroundpoetry.com
Luncheonette
The fire roars loudly
As a lion in winter
The broth pot bubbles
Babbles and rumbles
Logs spit and crackle
Flames lick and kiss
Everything they touch
The pot gets stirred, but
Certainly not shaken
The odour of embers
And soup become infused
With wild country air
Soup gets supped
Spooned and slurped
Bellies now nearly full
The idea of desert
Does not desert me
Marshmallows stabbed
By wooden skewers
Carefully carouseled
In circular motions
Into orange flames
Hold and rotate
Weird consistency
Crispness of liquid
Like white magma
Burns my chin
And both lips
Was the sweetness
Worth the pain
Hand me another
And I’ll let you know
Written by
David_Macleod
(14397816)
Published 26th Oct 2017
| Edited 27th Oct 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 8
reading list entries 0
comments 14
reads 458
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Re. Luncheonette
this is utterly delightful & charming
I can imagine doing just this
on a cold winter's day..
beautiful David..
love & hugs Brenda
I can imagine doing just this
on a cold winter's day..
beautiful David..
love & hugs Brenda
0
Re: Re. Luncheonette
1st Nov 2017 3:50am
Re. Luncheonette
Anonymous
27th Oct 2017 00:59am
Marshmallows! Little flaming balls of goo! Yummy! I love the campfire smell and the crackling sound. Big huge hugs! ☺
0
Re: Re. Luncheonette
1st Nov 2017 3:51am
Yeah it was a really good day and a tasty lunch :-))))
Mammoth hugs in coming :-)))))))
Mammoth hugs in coming :-)))))))
Re. Luncheonette
27th Oct 2017 2:01am
Excellent imagery, David. I particularly enjoyed magma. . .
One suggestion. . .
The fire roars loudly
[as] a lion on winter
Replacing like with as adds some nice alliteration with to a, and consonance of s with roars.
One suggestion. . .
The fire roars loudly
[as] a lion on winter
Replacing like with as adds some nice alliteration with to a, and consonance of s with roars.
0
Re: Re. Luncheonette
1st Nov 2017 3:53am
thank you much, that does work better :-))))
you always have good ideas :-)))))))
you always have good ideas :-)))))))
Re. Luncheonette
27th Oct 2017 3:01am
Loved the imagery, smells mingled with the air, and the white magma line.
Nice write David
Nice write David
0
Re: Re. Luncheonette
1st Nov 2017 3:54am
Re. Luncheonette
27th Oct 2017 3:07am
the imagery in this
brings about delightful thoughts
of cozying up to the fire
when there is a chill in the air..
good times..
wonderful write..
~Raven
brings about delightful thoughts
of cozying up to the fire
when there is a chill in the air..
good times..
wonderful write..
~Raven
0
Re: Re. Luncheonette
1st Nov 2017 3:55am
Thank you Raven it was a good day - could do with more like that :-)
Big Huge Hugs :-)
Big Huge Hugs :-)
Re. Luncheonette
Anonymous
27th Oct 2017 6:46am
Ahh a roasted marshmallow. Sweet, sticky and always fun to play by the fire. 🔥
0
Re: Re. Luncheonette
1st Nov 2017 3:56am
Re. Luncheonette
1st Nov 2017 10:44pm
Such a vivid image dances in my mind..!
And a yummy write...
very nice...
And a yummy write...
very nice...
0
Re: Re. Luncheonette
2nd Nov 2017 00:02am