Dark nights

It's hard being the one  
The one to hold it all together  
Always expected  
To never falter  
 
But the weight of the world is crushing,  
I'm so tired of hurting  
I'm always there tho  
 even when you hurt me,  
 
But even then  
I'm supposed to smile  
 while still bleeding from the stabs you inflicted,  
 
Knowing my weakness  
You go straight for the belly  
Pushing my buttons  
Acting like its all just natural  
And you have no hidden meaning,  
I can tell you right now  
I see it clearly  
And it's not funny to me  
 
There's No seeds you sow ?  
Please,  
 life is your garden you dig it  
We each have our own row  
And are own time to harvest  
We all have a purpose  
 
 Planting what you want me to be  
Watching your creation grow violently  
But you never read the instruction on the back ,  
There was a warning label before you decided to plant  
I don't do so well with others  
that try to control me  
Conform me  
Guilt trip me  
 
I'm sorry but I'm a white hawk  
I see much clearer than most  
Life is black and white to me  
And it's rare for people to change what I know  
 
I don't grow well in crowded spaces,  
Backed into a corner  the darkness  surrounds me  
I clench my muscles  
And bite down on my teeth  
It feels like 1 hundred thousand  
Lighting bolts surging me  
 
But I keep the peace usually  
And It's  not my responsibility  
And while others talk shit about me  
Nobody's  adult enough to straight up ask me anything  
They would rather judge me  
Hate me  
Because I represent everything you wanted to be  
 
I went thru hell and back many times  
I got a map engraved of the halls  
Burned in my mind  
 
The ways of darkness I am  fluent  
Like bane from batman I was born into it , molded by it  
You just read  the introduction of life's a bitch  
Not  all the chapters are like this  
Some are worse  
Some are the best  
But life fucks us all in the end  
With a cataclysmic dick  
 
I try to prevent that  
Life's  a bitch tho  
You never know what her sick ass will do,  
That's why I'm always prepared  
For the attacks from  all of you ,  
 
I've got evidence to  
Pictures audio video  
Showing you without doubt  
 Putting me down lower  
So I won't rise above you  
 
Of course I can't be above you  
Or equal to it seems  
You want me as a possession  
Just someone to jump when you say please  
 
But I'm me  
I'm not a slave  
I've Been alone 90% of my life  
Shit,  spent 2 years just me and the dog  
Kickin it bachelor style  
Smoking on bongs  
Booger sugar up my nasal cavity  
Then to fuck a chick all night long    
And when finished  
 Say I have a busy day  
So just run along  
Ok babe  
 
Don't fuck with my heart  
If you do you just might meet my demons  
somewhere in the dark .