deepundergroundpoetry.com
Scrambled egg mind
Before i start i want to say that I'm not a poet and actually not very good with words but this morning i woke up with the feeling i had to write something down.
To specify what it is about, since 2 years i have chronic back pain.
My mind is a scrambled egg
When days go by that you can’t even focus on one thing and at the end of the day you ask yourself how useless you have been again this day.
Nobody notices what is wrong because you are fighting a war but it is in your own mind and to keep your loved ones out of that war you keep yourself away from them.
The war isn’t fought with guns or swords but with thoughts scrambling over each other like the battle of the bastards.
Is it just a rough time and do I have to die first before I can be reborn like John? Or is this going to end with my dick in a box like that other whiner Theon.
The weak feeling you get from being able to do everything but at the same time not being able to do anything is breaking me up in little pieces and eating me alive.
The hopeless alone feeling you get when you are too long on your own with your own thought and your own feelings that if you start thinking about it you should be able to perfectly tell somebody what’s wrong with you and what needs to be done.
The opposite will happen and at the end of the day you are even further away from your goals.
Maybe having a goal in life is the problem that makes my head crumble.
Maybe putting so much pressure on a cracked vase will only make it break. But what to do then.
What in the world can put you free out of this misery? Maybe excepting the pain will set my mind free.
But how in the world can you except that thing that is destroying your life?
How can you be friends with the devil when you know he is the devil?
Maybe I should just give up and stop listening to myself and stop creating that perfect world. Maybe my brother was right and I should not make it so hard for myself. But how can you live with yourself when you know you’re not giving everything? Aren’t you just existing then and not really living?
I don’t want to give up I’m too young for that. Am I?
The world tells me I’m a whiner every single day. Am I?
Or am I misunderstood? Should I man up? Should I listen more to my body?
But if I listen more I can’t do anything and I’m lying in bed all day feeling depressed.
That’s not the answer wright?
Or is it and I’m just destined to feel this way. No that can’t be it.
So that means I actually am a whiner.
How is that even possible as the one thing I hate most is a whiner. Do I hate myself?
And living by the standards I give myself how is it even possible to hate yourself?
Maybe I’m just lazy and I should man up and do something with my life. But what?
What the hell is there on this world that I can do and actually create a passion for that is more important than the pain? The pain. The pain. The pain.
All I can think about is the pain. When is it ever going to stop? Is there a remedy?
Should I be happy I’m alive? How can I be happy with this goddamn pain!!?
Nobody knows how it feels and my scrambled mind can’t even keep myself out of bed so how can I explain this pain!?
I think it’s impossible and should just live with it.
Or is that making me a whiner again?
I don’t want to be a whiner…
To specify what it is about, since 2 years i have chronic back pain.
My mind is a scrambled egg
When days go by that you can’t even focus on one thing and at the end of the day you ask yourself how useless you have been again this day.
Nobody notices what is wrong because you are fighting a war but it is in your own mind and to keep your loved ones out of that war you keep yourself away from them.
The war isn’t fought with guns or swords but with thoughts scrambling over each other like the battle of the bastards.
Is it just a rough time and do I have to die first before I can be reborn like John? Or is this going to end with my dick in a box like that other whiner Theon.
The weak feeling you get from being able to do everything but at the same time not being able to do anything is breaking me up in little pieces and eating me alive.
The hopeless alone feeling you get when you are too long on your own with your own thought and your own feelings that if you start thinking about it you should be able to perfectly tell somebody what’s wrong with you and what needs to be done.
The opposite will happen and at the end of the day you are even further away from your goals.
Maybe having a goal in life is the problem that makes my head crumble.
Maybe putting so much pressure on a cracked vase will only make it break. But what to do then.
What in the world can put you free out of this misery? Maybe excepting the pain will set my mind free.
But how in the world can you except that thing that is destroying your life?
How can you be friends with the devil when you know he is the devil?
Maybe I should just give up and stop listening to myself and stop creating that perfect world. Maybe my brother was right and I should not make it so hard for myself. But how can you live with yourself when you know you’re not giving everything? Aren’t you just existing then and not really living?
I don’t want to give up I’m too young for that. Am I?
The world tells me I’m a whiner every single day. Am I?
Or am I misunderstood? Should I man up? Should I listen more to my body?
But if I listen more I can’t do anything and I’m lying in bed all day feeling depressed.
That’s not the answer wright?
Or is it and I’m just destined to feel this way. No that can’t be it.
So that means I actually am a whiner.
How is that even possible as the one thing I hate most is a whiner. Do I hate myself?
And living by the standards I give myself how is it even possible to hate yourself?
Maybe I’m just lazy and I should man up and do something with my life. But what?
What the hell is there on this world that I can do and actually create a passion for that is more important than the pain? The pain. The pain. The pain.
All I can think about is the pain. When is it ever going to stop? Is there a remedy?
Should I be happy I’m alive? How can I be happy with this goddamn pain!!?
Nobody knows how it feels and my scrambled mind can’t even keep myself out of bed so how can I explain this pain!?
I think it’s impossible and should just live with it.
Or is that making me a whiner again?
I don’t want to be a whiner…
Published 21st Oct 2017
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yo yo yo welcome to DUP. You look like a poet to me :) i think this ink would appear more as a poem and perhaps read better if you broke down some of the longer lines.. such as:
"When days go by that you can’t even focus on one thing
and at the end of the day you ask yourself how useless you have been again this day.
Nobody notices what is wrong because you are fighting a war
but it is in your own mind and to keep your loved ones out of that war you keep yourself away from them.
The war isn’t fought with guns or swords but with thoughts scrambling over each other like the battle of the bastards.
Is it just a rough time and do I have to die first before I can be reborn like John?
Or is this going to end with my dick in a box like that other whiner Theon."
at the moment it looks almost more like a story in paragraph form, but some simple formatting could transform it more into a poem. You express yourself well and in a raw way, which is powerful. I like the questions you ask too, pretty deep stuff. I hope you find what you are looking for on this site and that you stick around :)
respect.
"When days go by that you can’t even focus on one thing
and at the end of the day you ask yourself how useless you have been again this day.
Nobody notices what is wrong because you are fighting a war
but it is in your own mind and to keep your loved ones out of that war you keep yourself away from them.
The war isn’t fought with guns or swords but with thoughts scrambling over each other like the battle of the bastards.
Is it just a rough time and do I have to die first before I can be reborn like John?
Or is this going to end with my dick in a box like that other whiner Theon."
at the moment it looks almost more like a story in paragraph form, but some simple formatting could transform it more into a poem. You express yourself well and in a raw way, which is powerful. I like the questions you ask too, pretty deep stuff. I hope you find what you are looking for on this site and that you stick around :)
respect.
23rd Oct 2017 4:41am
