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I am a xanax machine

I am a xanax machine.
I don't feel anymore.
 Maybe I do but I'm not really sure.
I still look at your photos, but instead of adoration I look at them in an attempt
to figure out what I feel. Is it adoration still?

Or is it contempt?

I asked you to show me you care and I got punished. I got manipulated into staying to find out if you care or not. Is my curiosity really that strong? It's a lot stronger than the drinks I pour, or my love for myself.

One pill
Should I stay?
Two pill
What's today?
Three pill
How many days has it been exactly?
I asked you to step up, but the only thing stepping up is my prescription strength.
I check your online status to figure out how long I've been ignored

Four pill

All I wanted was to be shown I matter. Now, some days I can't tell if I matter or not. Most days I can't tell. I wanted to know I was worth something to somebody. But the only thing worth anything is how much this little amber vial is to my sanity

Five, six, seven

I don't even wait the allotted time in between them anymore.

Mix it with alcohol and down it.

Eight. Nine. Ten.

Maybe one day I'll feel again.
Written by Alxh07
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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