Six Things You Should Know About Me - An Anthology

Plug into these tunes
To honor the naked wounds
I display here for you-
[ ]

I used to be a cutter
A decade of self-inflicted torture
A variety of bangs and bruises
Cigarette burns and chemical scorches
Starving for those bones to show
Piercing safety pins where they do not go
When I asked for help- they gave me pills
At school surrounded by imbeciles
So they sent me to an out-patient hospital
They didn’t like me there; I was non-committal
I stirred a rebellion against the true depression
I would not be bent unto their submission…
So they kicked me out
Lifelong will I be in recovery
Even all these many years later
I still fight the urges in drudgery
The visuals are a blaring saber
Ensnaring and suffocating…
But I do not hide my scars
Sometimes a stranger may stare
I am blunt now in response
In 15 years I have encountered
Only one stranger's open heart
Whom I was entirely comfortable
Acknowledging my scars
Forever I will wear my pain
Tattooed upon my arms
An open book for you to see
The darkness in my heart

At 13- I was made to watch
The Passion of The Christ
Fellow members surrounding me
Of the Lutheran Church in fright
In that theater I wept not
For the same reasons as they
Mom & Dad, I cried- WHY
Are you forcing me to stay?
The ripping skin
Pools of blood…
The razor's kiss
To which I run...
It was then that I lost faith
In my devout religion
And lost trust in Mom & Dad’s
Unholy sacred vision

I wanted to become a Bikkhuni
A Theravada Buddhist Nun
I quit adorning jewelry
Wore no scents of perfumed gum
I quit shaving everywhere
Judgements I no longer cared
I ceased composing poetry
No longer did I care to sing
I meditated and contemplated
I learned the ancient Sanskrit tongue
I went to a hermitage deep in
The northern Californian wood
But slowly rising in that plane
Departing from that sacred place
Climbing through the billowing clouds
The sky pierced blue- I had no doubt
I wept
I knew…
I would never return


I am a Gemini

Forever battling
The dark and the light
Imbalanced though
Perpetual night
Confusing to others
I make complete sense to me
Tell me all your secrets
And you will see
I often mask
My own reality
Unless you care
To dig in deep
I am not afraid
Of my own truths
Or conversations
That may ensue
I will bleed out my story
At the turn of a page
I will not judge you for yours
We could talk for days
Be warned
I am a variety
Of everything
That you wish was true
But I am also
An accumulation  
Of the things
That you fear in you

In “real life” I have no friends
I won’t even pretend
A memory from little Audrey
At the age of perhaps 3
I recall a friend so dear to me
The day of my heart's felony...
I warned her to move- get out of the way!
No longer could I hold the heavy porch swing
I let go and it bashed in her skull
I hid from mother; I became numb
Somehow I have managed to hurt
Everyone that I’ve ever loved
But such is the way of a lost soul
There’s no point in covering it up
Hurt people hurt other people
Because they are not whole
I am too exhausted to befriend you
My heart too bitter and cold

I am an INTJ female

According to such a profile- I am rare
Less than 1% of the population scarce
But rare also means
Often feeling
And misunderstood
Malfunctions of
My mind displayed
Compartmentalize INTJ
Can you relate?
Of course not
...I will not elaborate
Written by nightbirdblue
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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