Six Things You Should Know About Me - An Anthology

 
Plug into these tunes
To honor the naked wounds
I display here for you-
 
[ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSjSozKL_EA ]
 
 
One:

I used to be a cutter
A decade of self-inflicted torture
A variety of bangs and bruises
Cigarette burns and chemical scorches
 
Starving for those bones to show
Piercing safety pins where they do not go
When I asked for help- they gave me pills
At school surrounded by imbeciles
 
So they sent me to an out-patient hospital
They didn’t like me there; I was non-committal
I stirred a rebellion against the true depression
I would not be bent unto their submission…
 
So they kicked me out
 
Lifelong will I be in recovery
Even all these many years later
I still fight the urges in drudgery
The visuals are a blaring saber
 
Ensnaring and suffocating…
But I do not hide my scars
Sometimes a stranger may stare
I am blunt now in response
 
In 15 years I have encountered
Only one stranger's open heart
Whom I was entirely comfortable
Acknowledging my scars
 
Forever I will wear my pain
Tattooed upon my arms
An open book for you to see
The darkness in my heart
 
Two:

At 13- I was made to watch
The Passion of The Christ
Fellow members surrounding me
Of the Lutheran Church in fright
 
In that theater I wept not
For the same reasons as they
Mom & Dad, I cried- WHY
Are you forcing me to stay?
 
The ripping skin
Pools of blood…
The razor's kiss
To which I run...
 
It was then that I lost faith
In my devout religion
And lost trust in Mom & Dad’s
Unholy sacred vision
 
Three:

I wanted to become a Bikkhuni
A Theravada Buddhist Nun
I quit adorning jewelry
Wore no scents of perfumed gum
I quit shaving everywhere
Judgements I no longer cared
I ceased composing poetry
No longer did I care to sing
I meditated and contemplated
I learned the ancient Sanskrit tongue
I went to a hermitage deep in
The northern Californian wood
 
But slowly rising in that plane
Departing from that sacred place
Climbing through the billowing clouds
The sky pierced blue- I had no doubt
I wept
I knew…
 
I would never return

Four:

I am a Gemini

Forever battling
The dark and the light
Imbalanced though
Perpetual night
 
Confusing to others
I make complete sense to me
Tell me all your secrets
And you will see
 
I often mask
My own reality
Unless you care
To dig in deep
 
I am not afraid
Of my own truths
Or conversations
That may ensue
 
I will bleed out my story
At the turn of a page
I will not judge you for yours
We could talk for days
 
Be warned
I am a variety
Of everything
That you wish was true
 
But I am also
An accumulation  
Of the things
That you fear in you
 
Five:

In “real life” I have no friends
I won’t even pretend
 
A memory from little Audrey
At the age of perhaps 3
I recall a friend so dear to me
The day of my heart's felony...
 
I warned her to move- get out of the way!
No longer could I hold the heavy porch swing
I let go and it bashed in her skull
I hid from mother; I became numb
 
Somehow I have managed to hurt
Everyone that I’ve ever loved
But such is the way of a lost soul
There’s no point in covering it up
 
Hurt people hurt other people
Because they are not whole
I am too exhausted to befriend you
My heart too bitter and cold
 
Six:

I am an INTJ female

According to such a profile- I am rare
Less than 1% of the population scarce
 
But rare also means
Often feeling
Alone
And misunderstood
 
Malfunctions of
My mind displayed
Compartmentalize INTJ
 
Can you relate?
 
Of course not
 
...I will not elaborate