Help me?  There is no saving me

 
 
I am a demon born from things you can not see  
I am the devil look deep inside of me  
this smile was born from torture and amphetamines  
when I was 13 are lab exploded  
gassing the house with a toxic odor  
I woke up crazed and confused  
thinking to myself I burned the house down  you fool
but I don't remember how or when  
I panicked I ran from home dripping sweat, standing on the steps in my underwear    
I remember someone yelling at me hey kid you ok  
I ran from him too
 scared,  insane the meth in my child brain  
I went home and tapped on my sisters window she awoke  
jhin what are you doing are you crazy  
omg she smells it to, runs out and hugs me its gonna be ok she says  
I'm trembling violently sweating profusely,  I hear my sister screaming  
my mother threatening  punishment if she told anyone about me,  
my step dad growling  violently pacing
they come and get me,  
and whisper in the corner what should we do with me , he's gonna die if we dont help him,
 lets called the hospital  and ask the nurses, they did
  I could hear them talking with my mother next to me, lady are you insane your child is dying bring him in immediately
 phone hangs up
cold rags hit my head
 for hours I hallucinate horrific nothings  
I watched the clock spin around for hours seeing creatures break the liquid hell walls of my home.
when i was 16 I was accepted into college i was a smart kid,  
I did one year before the demons came crawling in  
infecting my mind screaming at me controlling me  
they said I was skitzo-affective with severe PTSD  
,I dropped out of school thinking I was broken
and not worthy and started
 to use and abuse .
I often think how much more intelligent I could be ,
 if that incident didn't happen to me  who i would be without my parents
 a different time with a different family
now I often act dumb so I can get along with other humans
if I act myself and say what I really think people don't relate to me
 im nothing so i pretend to me stupid
 so i can have friends that think they relate to  me
  im all alone with myself  
in my self
 always