deepundergroundpoetry.com
What Happens When
What happens when your handsome looks fade
And you look in the mirror to see a craggy old man
What happens when your mind is not as sharp
And you short term memory is forever failing you
What happens when your big strong arms are not strong enough
To lift you from one chair to the next and get you on the toilet
What happens when you can no longer dress yourself in the morning
And you can no longer be trusted with a sharp knife or a shaving razor
What happens when you can no longer leave the house at all
And the only thing that makes your nostrils flare is the smell of bleach
What happens when the drugs they use are so strong, you are not you
And your life experience and your poetry is dissolved with disinfectant
What happens when you can’t wash yourself or wipe your own ass
Where dignity and pride were lost to you many years before
What happens when you become more of a burden than expected
And your family that you loved leave you to die in a care home
What happens when you are used and abused by the care home staff
And you live in a nightmare and life returns you to your childhood
What happens if life is truly a circle and you return to what you were
And you have to re-live every pain and horror in reverse order
What happens? I’ll tell you what happens
You stop looking in the mirror
You let them shave you
Nobody cares what you remember
A mechanical hoist moves you
You are hoisted onto the toilet like a beached dolphin
You just grow a fuckin beard
You let them cut your cake
You never get changed somebody else changes you
You can’t leave the house, you are locked in
Smelling the flowers is now unimportant
Your experience and poetry becomes worthless
You are hosed down like a fuckin circus animal
Fuck Dignity: Fuck Pride!
Family can do things to you a stranger wouldn’t
You have to live with the torment
You have to live with the bruises
Your terror will restart
There is no escape
There is no salvation
What happens if I choose a different path
What happens if I choose to defeat that future
What happens then
Published 9th Oct 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
9th Oct 2017 4:46am
I pray that you choose to defeat that future. I can only imagine the strength it takes. You always seem so full of life until suddenly you aren’t and a part of me cries with you. I type the words and it sounds so cliche to me as I do, but I hope you do find that strength, fight on.
Thank you for the write.
Thank you for the write.
10th Oct 2017 4:24pm
thank you my friend, your comments mean such a lot to me - to be honest when I wrote it I wasn't sure whether it was a giving up poem or a fighting back poem :-) there is a fighter in here somewhere :-)
9th Oct 2017 11:09am
ever since i was young i have feared what will happen once i get to this point. what will happen when i die. i dont want to die. you captured this feeling so perfectly
10th Oct 2017 4:26pm
I used to think nobody wants to die but that's not true - for some it's a solution and a positive one - we only fear death because we are taught to :-) Thank you for your comments and I am glad it spoke to you :-)
Anonymous
9th Oct 2017 2:08pm
This was my greatest fear for my father. I can't bear to watch it happen to anyone. But, David, I will say this much...your poetry and your experiences will never become worthless. Because they are a part of you and you, my friend, are beyond priceless. Sending you such fierce hugs this morning. And just know that if it weren't for that big pond between us, I'd be over regularly pestering the shite out of you. :)
10th Oct 2017 4:29pm
yeah, but would you wipe my ass :-) (lol) thank you for such a loving comment that means such a lot and will keep me going :-) huge big Hugs :-)
Anonymous
10th Oct 2017 5:11pm
There are a great many things I would do for my friend. :)
Anonymous
9th Oct 2017 7:59pm
Beautiful poignant write.
Big hugs :)
Big hugs :)
10th Oct 2017 4:31pm
9th Oct 2017 10:33pm
I cannot see a Scotsman kin surrendering. Can't see you going down without a fight, David. Ever.
If it's one person that needs nothing but resolve despite physical lack to win a war, it's you. Hands down.
If it's one person that needs nothing but resolve despite physical lack to win a war, it's you. Hands down.
10th Oct 2017 4:33pm
wow - thank you so much - most of the time the fight is in there and the support from you and DU goes a long way to keeping it there :-)
Anonymous
10th Oct 2017 00:13am
You David, are a highlander, meant to fight, born with it you were...that is first...second....your poetry, telling your points of view on so many subjects always have insight and value...you are an incredible person with so much worth it's immeasurable for me, I am so glad to have met you...this may be a day which had more lows in it than one would prefer but know in spirit, I am helping to raise yours...keep hearing those bastards at the fair! I can hear them now and I see you right there with them!
Endless warm fuzzies sent your way across that damned ocean!
xoxo Taryn
Endless warm fuzzies sent your way across that damned ocean!
xoxo Taryn
10th Oct 2017 5:15pm
Not sure how I would fare without you here :-) strangely when I am low I listen to pipe band music - it's like scottish therapy :-) thank you so much my friend :-)
