Depth

Deep in the depths of nothingness
I no longer rise, I simply stifle sobs
within my mind that do not channel  
themselves into tears anymore  
 
I wake, apply for work
Deal with the dogs
deal with myself
I sleep wrapped in the
soundless warmth of medication
 
EUPD has forced many people away
Last night I drank upon an impulse
a three quarter glass of whiskey
one tiny drop of a soft drink
 
I downed it, no time to  
take things slow
googled the personality disorder place
started crying, for myself, for the abuse  
I logged into an old account  
Talked shit about the pressures of a new
relationship  
Deleted my account  
 
Took meds
Fell asleep
Brought an ebook beforehand
 
(Weighed up whether I could
Pay £2.99 for words this month)
 
I  
woke, I'm sat
still in yesterday's nothingness
watching the dogs nap
(7 little terrors)
I am thankful I am not alone  
to deal with the bliss that comes
with 7 energetic balls of fur
no piss to clean because they are
unaware of the need to right now
 
My
Birthday is in a week
My uncle would be gone  
 7 years to the day
  I died when he did
 
Nobody celebrates the death  
of a loved one
Nobody celebrates the death  
of themselves.