deepundergroundpoetry.com
Untitled
I didn't want to let you in
But I couldn't help but inhale your desire
Now my lungs are on fire and I'm clawing at my throat
You walked away without a second thought
I'm left sputtering and chocking on promise left up in the air
Published 29th Sep 2017
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29th Sep 2017 7:12pm
lthough I am a huge fan of brevity, (a sermon's length is not it's strength), I almost get a sense that this poem is unfinished. Not being negative; on the contrary- I think this could be drawn out a little; maybe string it out some, perhaps even add a seasonal reference or metaphor. Could be epic. Just my humble opinion, please don't take it as anything but positive. There is great potential here.
30th Sep 2017 00:00am
Thank you, you probably got that feeling because this is the first time I tried writing a short poem. I wasn't really sure how to go about it and I felt like it was unfinished but I decided to post it anyways!
Anonymous
- Edited 13th Sep 2022 5:45pm
1st Oct 2017 5:06am
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