Jesus Was a Man After All

Jesus Was a Man After All  
 
     “Rosie, if you ever lift a hand to hurt yourself I’ll physically restrain you. Then your sex privileges will be revoked for an entire year.”  
     “You wouldn’t dare! Oh, I bet you’ll make your own fun.”  
      “I’m well versed in abstinence having grown up with two sisters in a house with paper thin walls.”  
     I reply, “Please don’t put me on a diet of no sex. I’ll lose what’s left of my marbles.”  
     We arrive at our down and out apartment blues. Paul says, “Since you made gestures of self harm, you need a taste of what a sex fast is like.”  
     I reply, “Oh no. Please not tonight. You can’t do this to me.”  
     He says, “We’ll just talk tonight. After your stunt by the river you need a reminder. This evening I’m taking a vow of chastity.”  
     “Even Jesus loved Magdalene too much to neglect her carnal needs” I plead.  
     “Lead me dear Beatrice to understand how you came upon this knowledge.”  
     “Jesus was a man after all. I know men. A man created the Lord’s supper to feast on the body and blood of Christ because the male finds God through feeding his hunger. Men are cannibals who devour the hand which feeds them. They confuse the offering with the woman.”  
     “I'll drink to that. Now let's call off the sex strike in the name of Yahweh."