deepundergroundpoetry.com
Nature Haikus 7.0
Date
Bumble bees in the sun
But what do they do at night
They date their honey
Flutterbies
silken colored wings
butterfly or maybe fairies
both are magical
Trap
spiders spin their webs
inviting but yet a trap
still: Dark temptation
Golf
the busy blind mole
digging holes in the lawn
handy for golf balls
Moving House
the dormouse's house
in a hollowed out tree stump
he's now branching out
Road
frog crosses the road
lots of heavy traffic there
the frog sadly croaks
Home Cover
The eagle-eyed eagle soars
rabbits run home for cover
killer on the loose
Published 15th Sep 2017
| Edited 17th Sep 2017
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likes 8
reading list entries 0
comments 16
reads 466
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
15th Sep 2017 8:05pm
Simple elegance
Short verses pulling us in
Love the raptured thoughts
Sharing your music
Dancing as words on the page
Thank you for the write
Short verses pulling us in
Love the raptured thoughts
Sharing your music
Dancing as words on the page
Thank you for the write
15th Sep 2017 8:34pm
thank you for the elegant poetic response - you are good at these - I like to write then is sets of seven or five - pick a subject and go for it :-)
15th Sep 2017 11:27pm
These are wonderful David .. Beautiful, fun and with your humor tucked in as well ... enjoyed these much!
16th Sep 2017 00:48am
16th Sep 2017 00:39am
At least one of these made me laugh out loud. The world needs more poems like this
16th Sep 2017 00:49am
16th Sep 2017 4:39pm
David...i am always delighted by your nature Haiku! And the incorporation. of your exceptional sense of humor, is an extra addition of pleasure!
On a rather saturated Saturday morning, these are as sunbeams of smiles...some of them right out loud!
From states-side, all sorts of happy hugs on their way to you!!
On a rather saturated Saturday morning, these are as sunbeams of smiles...some of them right out loud!
From states-side, all sorts of happy hugs on their way to you!!
16th Sep 2017 5:19pm
strangely it's a saturated morning here too, but then it usually is (lol) I am so glad you enjoyed, laughed and smiled - my work is done :-) Huge bog mammoth Hugs :-)
16th Sep 2017 5:12pm
Gosh, David. I enjoyed these. If I may make some suggestions:
First . . .
Trap
spiders spin their webs
inviting but [ still ] a trap
still: Dark temptation
Because you have used 'still' twice, I would recommend replacing the first with 'yet'. This would carry the consonance of T beautifully.
Secondly,
Home Cover
The eagle-eyed eagle soars
rabbits run home for cover
killer on the loose
I would recommend hypgenating eagle-eyes and removing the comma in L1. It honestly does nothing but interrupt the flow. That last line is killer ( no pun intended )!
The double-entendre of Road is great!
First . . .
Trap
spiders spin their webs
inviting but [ still ] a trap
still: Dark temptation
Because you have used 'still' twice, I would recommend replacing the first with 'yet'. This would carry the consonance of T beautifully.
Secondly,
Home Cover
The eagle-eyed eagle soars
rabbits run home for cover
killer on the loose
I would recommend hypgenating eagle-eyes and removing the comma in L1. It honestly does nothing but interrupt the flow. That last line is killer ( no pun intended )!
The double-entendre of Road is great!
16th Sep 2017 5:17pm
thank you - I always love to get suggestions and I agree with you on these - already modified :-) glad you enjoyed them too :-)
Anonymous
17th Sep 2017 3:38am
David, I really enjoyed these...I read with a smile on my face from the first line...perfectly captured and brought about excellent visuals...Loved them! I will say with this one...
"Golf
the busy blind mole
digging holes in the lawn
handy for golf flags"
~ I instinctively said "balls" instead of "flags"...but perhaps I have rules for Haiku wrong...thoughts?
xoxo Taryn
"Golf
the busy blind mole
digging holes in the lawn
handy for golf flags"
~ I instinctively said "balls" instead of "flags"...but perhaps I have rules for Haiku wrong...thoughts?
xoxo Taryn
17th Sep 2017 3:50am
glad you enjoyed these I am enjoying writing lighter stuff now and again :-) I like your suggestion, I am gonna use it :-) Hugest of Hugs :-)
18th Sep 2017 3:09pm
18th Sep 2017 5:04pm
Maybe he just croaked audibly because he likes cars :-) So glad you liked them :-) thank you :-)
Anonymous
18th Sep 2017 3:52pm
And there it is...that clever humor I have so come to adore! Spider webs are cool...spiders, not so much. Poor little frog! Run little rabbits, run! Lots of big hugs for you!!! :)
18th Sep 2017 5:07pm
no animals were hurt in the writing of these verses :-) glad you liked them :-) Huge big Hugs (Have missed you) :-)
